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Baseball Scouting Report: Hank The Dog

This spring training sensation’s got speed, but may lack some balls.


The Milwaukee Brewers' latest prospect has good legs, is PED-free, and boasts a solid OBP* percentage. Meet Hank The Dog. The bichon frisé/Lhasa apso stray, who first wandered onto the field of the organization’s Phoenix facility last month, was immediately named after Hank Aaron, cared for by the players, and currently makes Bernie The Brewer look like Clark The Cub.

“I think this is one of the most marvelous human interest stories in the world of sports,” said one Brew Crew fan of hour-long wait times for a Hank photo op, $32 T-shirts emblazoned with his furry face, and the promise of future bobble-heads and sausage race appearances.

And unlike Schottzie’s controversial career in Cinncinati, Hank’s owner isn’t racist!

The 15-pound utility player/butt sniffer now lives with a team executive in Whitefish Bay, WI, and has a full schedule of regular season media appearances to look forward to.

As for the aforementioned scouting report?

Hank pants left, fetches right, and spays…actually still no word as to whether this Milwaukee mutt has his Laverne & Shirleys, but we’ll keep Bob Barker posted.

*AKA “On Base Pooping” for all you baseball neophytes out there.


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