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MLB Oddballs: The 20 Freakiest, Funniest Crackpots In Baseball

Find out who the most hilarious guys are on and off the mound, including Ryan Dempster, Hunter Pence, Brian Wilson, Ichiro Suzuki, and more. 



Illustrated for Maxim by James Bennett | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013

The Joker: Ryan Dempster

Illustrated for Maxim by James Bennett | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013

What’s the greatest practical joke you’ve ever played?
Someone on the Cubs froze Will Ohman’s spikes in a bucket, and no one owned up to it. And even though I didn’t do it, I said I did just to see how Will would get back at me. So Will did typical stuff, like superglue my zipper and put eye black on the rim of my cap so it would end up on my forehead. After that I had a chance to really get him back.

What did you do?
I got some cameramen together and made up this story that there was a documentary being shot on left-handed re­lievers, and they were coming to see Will. Who’d watch a documentary on lefty relievers? Anyway, I got all four tires off his car and hid them around the ballpark. As he was being interviewed, I said, “Hey, Will, isn’t that your tire in the outfield?’’ He turned around and wasn’t too happy.

How’d you start doing the Harry Caray impression?
I was a fan of his for a long time. One of my favorite stories is from way before there was a kiss cam, and Harry was talking about a couple that was constantly kissing. He said [Harry Caray voice], “And he kisses her on the strikes, and she kisses him on the balls.” [laughs]. He was awesome.


MORE ODDBALLS: 

Jason Giambi, Cleveland Indians Designated Hitter
Where do you draw the line between superstitious and crazy? Ask the Giambino, who’s admitted that he breaks out a golden thong when in a slump...then shares it with teammates. Now try to erase that mental image.

Derek Holland, Texas Rangers Starting Pitcher
Forget Holland’s mid-90s heat. The dude’s ’stache has its own Twitter account, last season’s mullet put Billy Ray Cyrus’ to shame, and his nickname is the Dutch Oven (which is better than the Cleveland Steamer, but still).

Tim Lincecum, San Francisco Giants Starting Pitcher
You’ve gotta love the Freak, whether it’s his Gumby-like windup, his old Professor Snape hair, or the physique that makes him look like Mitch from Dazed and Confused. He’s a Gumby-Snape-Mitch mutant! And God bless him for it.

A. J. Pierzynski, Texas Rangers Catcher
The frosted-tipped backstop has allegedly kneed a trainer in the nuts, he’s fought as a pro wrestler, and his ex-manager Ozzie Guillen said, “If you play against him, you hate him. If you play with him, you hate him a little less.” Aw.

Luke Scott, Tampa Bay Rays 1B, DH, OF
We’re not sure what’s the scariest thing about Scott. The military-grade arsenal, the survivalist tendencies, the birther politics, or the Wolverine-style chops. At least he no longer packs heat when he heads to the ballpark.

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