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MLB Oddballs: The 20 Freakiest, Funniest Crackpots In Baseball

The Merry Prankster: Ryan Theriot

Illustrated for Maxim by James Bennett | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013

How do you loosen up your teammates?
I grab a bag of sunflower seeds in the dugout and spill them all over someone intensely watching the game. It’s hilarious. Matt Cain didn’t like it very much, so I did it to him almost every day. Even when you were showering after the game, you would find sunflower seeds on your body no matter how much you shook them off.
 
How did guys get pumped during the Series?
It was easy because of Hunter Pence’s speeches. What I’d do when he was done was fire Swedish Fish, gum, Skittles, and chunks of granola bars up in the air on the players. The floor of the dugout was like bar gravy. I’d throw stuff toward the people in the first row behind the dugout. Those people got to eat for free.
 
What were you going to do if the World Series went back to San Francisco?
I was going to make it rain after Hunter’s speech. I was going to throw Monopoly money and a lot of dollar bills on the players and on the people in the front row. I’ll do it this season if I get back to the World Series.


The Glutton: John Axford

Illustrated for Maxim by James Bennett | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013

What’s your pregame ritual?
I go to the bathroom and get rid of all of my nervous pee. And then, just before I hit the field, I grab two pieces of Big Red gum. I need to put something in my mouth.
 
Um, OK. For a skinny guy, you’ve got an interesting diet. Any staples?
The Krispy Kreme burger. You have a burger in a Krispy Kreme donut with cheese and chocolate-covered bacon. It’s very good.
 
Sounds healthy.
I pitch in Milwaukee—what do you want? At the state fairs I’ll tweet out to fans that if they get me a Krispy Kreme burger or deep-friend cheese curds, I’ll trade them tickets. If you’re really feeling it, you go for the deep-fried butter stick.
 
You’ve had more mustache looks than the Village People. 
Yeah, I’ve had it all, the Fu Man, the waxed, the chopper.
 
What’s most intimidating?
I don’t think it’s the look as much as the pitch. I have no fear when I get out there. I just let her rip once I get rid of all my nervous pee.
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