The new NFL week is here and with it comes chaos. Fortunately, Maxim is here to help you navigate these uncharted waters with five predictions that will undoubtedly (or just maybe) come true.
Photo: Patrick Smith/ Getty Images | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013
Big Upset – New York Giants over Philadelphia
A solid performance from Michael Vick – assuming he really is healthy - might swing this, but after a high-flying start to the season, Chip Kelly’s offense looks like it’s had its wings clipped, scoring a pathetic three points against Dallas last week. Are the Giants any good? No, but coming off their first win of the season at least they have momentum, and the Eagles are giving up 28 points a game. Wait, does one victory equal momentum? Who knows, but a hobbled Vick, an injured Nick Foles and an untested Matt Barkley looks to leave the Eagles' once-soaring offense grounded for the foreseeable future.
Big Performance – Robert Griffin III
Yes, RGIII is going up against the Broncos, who remain arguably the NFL’s top team…at least as long as Peyton Manning's healthy under center. But (and here’s a big but) Denver’s defense has looked distinctly mediocre, allowing 39 points against Indianapolis on Monday night. The Washington D.C. Professional Football Team, meanwhile, racked up 45 points against the Bears. This will be a shootout – and, yes, the Broncos will probably win – but RGIII is going to be putting up big numbers in the thin air of Mile High Stadium.
Big Flop – The Vikings
If the Giants' anemic defense could hold Minnesota to just 7 points – while scoring 20+ points on their own – just imagine the damage that the Aaron Rodgers-led Packers will inflict. After Josh Freeman’s historically bad debut for the Vikes last week, it seems like Christian Ponder will be back at QB. It doesn’t really matter though; this one-time rivalry is looking decidedly one-sided these days, and Rodger’s and Co. are due for a huge day.
Big Storyline – Where Are All the Quarterbacks?
Considering the aforementioned quarterback clusterfuck in Viking country, we’re kind of surprised they didn’t beat the Rams to the punch and get Brett Favre on the horn. It wouldn’t be the first time Minnesota had turned to our favorite Wranglers/Crocs spokesman for help, but it sure says something about the sorry state of the position that teams are even considering the 44-year-old ex-gunslinger. Who’s next? Joe Montana? Joe Theisman? Joe Namath? It begs the question: What team’s QB situation is the worst? Even in victory last week, Eli Manning looked pathetic. The Browns’ Brandon Weeden was benched for friggin’ Brian Hoyer. The only reason the Jags seem to be playing Blaine Gabbert is to get a toehold on the Teddy Bridgewater sweepstakes. We could go on and on. Of course all this makes one wonder: Just how bad is Tim Tebow to still be unemployed?
Big Stinker – San Francisco (sort of) at Jacksonville
At least the Jaguars get to play the defending NFC champs at home, right? What’s that? Jacksonville’s “home” game is at Wembley Stadium in London? Never mind then. Even playing a game over five thousand miles away from San Francisco, the 49ers look primed to make this one a laugher. On the bright side, the Jaguars' luxuriantly-mustachioed owner Shahid Khan will feel right at home: He also owns London’s Fulham F.C. soccer club.