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This Week in High-Profile Sports Peeing

Can you pull over? We sorta have to go.


(Photo Courtesy of Twitter.com/JoseCanseco)


The biggest news this week from the sports world didn’t have anything to do with bullying or steroids (for once). Instead, we were treated with a golden stream of urine-related tales, some gross and others, well, gross. They’re all gross.

Firstly, in a video released by NFL Films where coaches and players reveal hidden talents and obscure facts about themselves, ex-Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder divulges that he peed his pants in the huddle. In every game. For six years. Besides flagrantly misunderstanding what a “hidden talent” is, Crowder also admits to offending his teammates with the act. When guys who snap each other’s asses with towels 5 days a week find your shtick gross, it might be time to find a new “talent. “

Elsewhere, in the mandatory monthly “Jose Canseco is a maniac” piece of news, the slugger tweeted a photo depicting himself being  pulled over by a police officer while transporting two diapered goats in the back of his SUV. It’s remarkable that Eastbound and Down does so well considering that we have a real-life Kenny Powers right here in the real world.

Finally, in overseas pee-pee news, two teams in the sixth tier (read: terrible) of England soccer clashed in a contentious FA cup fixture, after which the losing team – Boreham Wood FC – trashed the visitor’s locker room. Among the wreckage – much of which they argued was there when they arrived in a long, typo-ridden “official statement” on their webpage – was a puddle of urine, and a tea kettle in the urinal. Dammit, Boreham Wood FC, this is why we can’t have nice things. Or shitty things (depending on whose story you believe). 

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