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We Reverse the Madden Curse

Michael Vick broke a leg after gracing Madden’s cover. Troy Polamalu hurt his knee. Peyton Hillis pulled a hammy. Calvin Johnson is on the cover this time—of Madden NFL 13! Is Megatron doomed? Not if he follows the advice of our distinguished panel of hexperts.

Illustration by Jacob Thomas


The Cure: “He should hire someone from a good botanica or hoodoo shop to break the curse. Everyone believes in magic subconsciously. Once that’s in place, odds are he will be OK.” -John M. Greer, Grand archdruid

The Cure: “There are reversals and removals. But I would hate for an inexperienced individual to read a curse-hex removal or reversal. Bad things might come their way.”-Psychic Amanda, Indigo spiritualist

The Cure: “I’m gonna take a bottle of Rebel Yell bourbon to my totem spirit, a.k.a. Ole Satan, as an offering. He loves that bourbon. I guarantee he will lift the Madden curse for good!”-Doktor Snake, Voodoo priest