Forget sparkly vampires and hot-bodied shirtless werewolves, Frank Lesser, Emmy Award-winning writer at The Colbert Report, has the fantastically funny 4-1-1 on creatures you really need to be up to speed on: horny half-woman, half-lion hybrids, masturbating minotaurs and so many more. Despite our crippling illiteracy, we found Sad Monsters: Growling on the Outside, Crying on the Inside delightful and fired off some pressing questions to the author:
First of all, who the hell do you think you are to write a book, some kind of big shot?
I’m just a humble guy with some jokes to tell. Unless the book is a huge hit, in which case I’m a humble guy who’s going to buy your hometown and turn it into a slurry mine just for asking that question. Probably the former, though.
What is your book called and what is it about?
It's called Sad Monsters: Growling on the Outside, Crying on the Inside. It’s a blistering treatise on the inhuman condition. It’s full of racist bigfoots, mummies with body image issues, and demons who are too shy to possess people and post on Craigslist’s missed connections instead.
Should people read it?
Absolutely. How else will you learn how to pick up a hot sphinx? The most important tip is to bring a wingman—not only will he make you look good, but if things go sour, the sphinx you’re chatting up may eat him first.
What's the best part?
The part about how to nail half-women, half-lion hybrids.
The worst part?
Sometimes a minotaur wants to watch.
What is your book going to dress as for Halloween?
A copy of Harry Potter, to increase sales. Or maybe a more traditional costume, like “sexy Bible.”
What is the scariest monster walking the earth at the moment?
I have no idea, but in three months it’ll have its own reality show.
On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being "totally awesome!" and 10 being "fucking rad, dude!") how would you rate this interview?
I’d give it a 2... for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2! Totally tubular! Please don’t print this answer.
Are you sure?
Fine, print it.
Buy Sad Monsters: Growling on the Outside, Crying on the Inside before it is too late.