The 2012 edition of the Guinness World Records book comes out today, so we went through it and, after much pointless, childish bickering, chose the eight entries we thought were the most unusual. Until Guinness recognizes our record claim of "the most photo captions written while drunk to the point of temporary blindness on cheap rum and Poitin in one hour", these are the highlights, so read on for human crash test dummies, lady-contortionists and a man whose face smells like socks.
Photo by Ryan Schude/Guinness World Records
8 - The world's longest lady-tongue
Chanel Tapper has the longest tongue ever to unroll from the mouth of a woman, measuring at 3.8 inches from tip to top lip. While it freaks us out, it also makes us think that choosing a Halloween costume must be really, really easy for her.
Photo by Paul Michael Hughes/Guinness World Records
7 - Most watermelons smashed with a punch
We're not sure if Davide Cenciarelli really loves or really hates Gallagher, but either way, he showed him who's boss by smashing 70 watermelons in a single minute, using only his fists. His delicious, delicious, fruity fists.
6 - Longest jail term
Charles Scott Robinson was sentenced to 5,000 years apiece for each of the six counts against him in Oklahoma City, adding up to a total of 30,000 years behind bars. And when you see what he did to deserve it, you won't feel the least bit bad about that sentence.
Photo by John Wright/Guinness World Records
5 - Longest mustache
Indian Ram Singh Chauhan, as well as having a wicked-sweet name, has the world's longest mustache, at 14 feet. Ladies, he'd offer you a mustache ride, but you'd need to clear at least a week and a half on your schedule.
Photo by Guinness World Records
4 - Most crash tests endured
W. R. "Rusty" Haight, a traffic collision reconstructionist, had been in 718 collisions by February 2003, using himself as a human crash test dummy. We're pretty sure our buddy Frank has been in more collisions than that, but none of them were voluntary (or in a car).
Photo by Guinness World Records
3 - Most times to pass through a tennis racket
Aussie Skye Broberg forced her entire body through a tennis racket seven times in three minutes last year. Which is impressive, but we're holding off the real awe until she can do it without taking the strings off first.
2 - Most kicks to the head
Switzerland is known for five things: chocolate, cuckoo clocks, multi-tooled knives, Nazi gold and being possibly the most boring place in the world. The latter might explain why Swiss local Walt Saine administered 110 kicks to his own head in one minute. He used both legs to kick himself an average of 1.8 times per second, which is, uh...something, we guess?
1 - Longest beard on a living woman
It may be the 21st century, but we still have a Dickensian carnival-esque fascination with bearded ladies, probably because we've woken up next to so many after one of our aforementioned Poitin binges. Enter Vivian Wheeler, of Wood River, Illinois, who has been shaving since the age of seven. She grew a full beard in 1990, and in 2000, her beard measured a luxurious 11 inches in length, which is exactly 11 inches more beard than anyone at Maxim is capable of growing, so congrats, Vivian.
For more records, check out the new book, out today.