Because all other considerations are secondary.
1. COPACABANA, RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL
Why It's Hot: Admittedly not Brazil’s prettiest beach from a geological standpoint, but this urban hangout is overrun by supermodely, local beauties flaunting their natural—and sometimes not-so-natural—wonders in “fio dental” (that’s Portuguese for “dental floss”) bikinis.
Where To Stay: Improve your chances of hanging with Brazilian underwear models—or at least sitting in close proximity of one—at the rooftop pool of the Hotel Marina All Suites (from $400), known around town for its celebrity hotspot Bar d’Hotel. It’s also got great views of the city—if you can drag your eyes away from the company.
Where to Drink: Catch the tail end of summer at Rio’s raucous Carnival (March 6-8), order up some caipirinhas at a sidewalk café, and watch women parade through the streets in Bedazzled two pieces (and sometimes just one pieces. And if you get lucky, no pieces).
2. SOUTH BEACH, FLORIDA
Why It's Hot: In answering the ancient question of “How far from the beach is too far to still be wearing a bathing suit?,” SoBe locals sagely reply, “Huh?” Supermarket, café, five-star restaurant, straddling the hood of a limo at 40mph, wherever - the two-piece is the Miami woman’s “little black dress.”
Where to Stay: The Catalina is a Collins Avenue mainstay that embraces the spring break ethos pretty much 365 days a year—with bargain rooms and a nonstop party that begins in the lobby at check in (and ends in you asleep in a bus shelter somewhere, cuddling a stolen bar stool while wearing a pair of fisherman’s waders).
Where To Drink: The Florida Room at the Delano is a good-old piano bar, but if you want to go, be prepared to wait in line for a while (and by “a while”, we mean, “all week”).
3. ORIENT BEACH, ST. MAARTEN
Why It's Hot: The first hint of what waits on this Caribbean island comes from St-Maarten.com’s bikini-clad spokeswoman/tour guide offering to “Show you my island.” Once you’re there, free-spirited Dutch chicks bare it all on tops-optional beaches.
Where To Stay: You might consider staying at Club Orient, St. Maarten’s famous nudist resort—until you see it’s family-friendly (why, hello there, enormously fat German man with the blue flip-flops and the tiny dick!) Instead, keep your clothes on and check in to the Westin Dawn Beach Resort & Spa or Hotel L’Esplanade.
Where To Drink: There aren’t many places besides the Sunset Bar & Grill where you can watch planes land from a tarmac-close vantage point, and a bikini contest at the same time.
4. NEGRIL BEACH, JAMAICA
Why It's Hot: There’s, shall we say, “something” (something leafy and pungent…) about Negril that seems to make girls too apathetic to bother putting on clothes.
Where To Stay: The restaurant’s Red Stripe-battered shrimp alone make staying at the Rockhouse worth it. A few minutes’ from Negril’s main sandy stretch, this low-fi resort has an infinity pool and comfortable rooms.
Where To Drink: The cliff-set Rick’s Café. Strong drinks, no lifeguard, and cliff jumping. What could go wrong? (Don’t ask our friend, Flathead McWaterylungs).
5. RIVIERA MAYA, MEXICO
Why It's Hot: This super-swank, newly developed stretch of Cancun is filled with hot, successful cougars on girlfriend getaways ready to party—and show off their gym-perfect bodies
Where To Stay: Shack up in ultra-luxe villas with large, private infinity pools at the new Banyan Tree Mayakoba, that passes through the 18-hole El Chameleon golf course. Or, if you’re feeling less flashy, you could try sleeping on the sidewalk, but we really wouldn’t recommend it.
Where To Drink: Head to Playa del Carmen’s main drag and start the night at John Gray’s Place. Try not to end the night either in jail or in a kidnapper’s basement (both equally likely).