The alleged crime: Floyd cried like a Frenchman after Tour officials found Jose Canseco-esque amounts of testosterone in his urine.
His excuses: I always have high testosterone, I got wasted the night before on a 12 pack of Testoster-Ale, Mennonites have huge balls (full of testosterone), Hulk smash urine sample judge…
Our verdict: You can't get away with using steroids. Unless you play baseball.

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