Age: 34

Height: 5'7"

Hometown: Cleveland, OH

Funny, ha-huh?: Only her character and terminally ill children found Patch Adams endearing. As an alternative to thinking about their moribund fate, the kids are absolved. The straight-jawed Monica still may be diagnosed with a broken funny bone.

Married Potter: With three children and a shiny new husband, Monica is definitely off the market. After consideration, the best strategy to win her affection is to enroll in an L.A. elementary school, befriend a Potter child, and then, during a sleepover, offer the MILF some of your juice box.

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