Time to gear up and transform into Shreddy Krueger.
Plop onto a patch of snorkel-deep powder with the wrong board and you’ll sink like Tara Reid’s career. The oddball tail on the Jones Hovercraft is designed to keep it afloat on the white stuff, meaning you’ll tear through powder faster than a socialite out of rehab. $400
Most boards coddle riders like a springy suspension system. The Salomon Man’s Board kicks off the training wheels. This super-stiffy is all about speed and stability. Grow a beard, give a rebel yell, and torpedo down the mountain—you’ll feel every bump and bend. And if you’re a certain kind of rider, you’ll love it (yeah, it hurts so good). $500
Burton didn’t just slap Shaun White’s name on the Burton TWC Pro board (as in “the White Collection”) like some celeb endorsements. (Fact: Danny DeVito used to have a line of limoncello liqueur.) Rather, this hoverboard is tuned to the exact specs the boy wonder uses to scoop up gold medals like they’re Chuck E. Cheese’s tickets. And even if strapping into the same board as the great White won’t instantly endow you with his ability to flip and fly through the air—you’ll need lessons and possibly a jetpack for that—it probably won’t hurt. $530
Pick up too much velocity and most boards shake like a club full of meth heads. The K2 Protohype dials down the on-mountain Richter reading—it’s built with a thin layer of synthetic polymer that sucks up high-speed vibrations, like the world’s smallest set of shocks! $650
Like dating a 10, picking a board is all about trade-offs: Do you go for a poppy, park-friendly platform or something better tuned for daring descents? Goodbye, snowboard sacrifice! The Rome Agent Rocker has a unique camber (it’s reversed in the center and regular at the contact points) that’s equally adept at terrain-park terrorism and downhill kamikaze runs. $500