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Armageddon Prep

Black Respirator Gas Mask, $31.99

Face it - it’s going to be nearly impossible to breathe with the overwhelming smell of toxic waste and burning flesh flooding your nostrils. Luckily, you can avoid the stench and kick some serious ass simultaneously with this spiked gas mask. Complete with multiple steel spikes, you can rest assured that if you do fall asleep above ground, those pesky brain-eaters will tear their own head apart before they even get to yours. Awesome. But be warned-- you may wake up nearly smothered by their clumped flaky skin, and vomiting inside a gas mask can be lethal.