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Five Things To Never Do On Spring Break


Get Married
This should be obvious, but even if “Sandy,” “Krystal,” or “Taylor” (never trust girls with “Y’s” in their names, fellas) totally nailed that wet t-shirt contest, don’t get down on bended knee with a ring fashioned from discarded wristbands.

 





Swim at the Beach
It’s called “spring” break and not “summer” break for a reason—it’s balls cold. Sure, we know you’re going to be shirtless 85.6% of the time, but your alcohol-fueled warmth will wear out fast in the Atlantic Ocean in March.
 

 


Sign Anything
For MTV, the precursor to the Jersey Shore School of Embarrassing Television was its spring break programming. Young people alcohol - parental supervision x awkward erections = ratings gold. Good thing no network can plaster your mug on cable unless you sign a release form. Don’t do that.


 


Trash Your Room
It’s just a dick move. It’s not going to help you get laid and the hotel staff will hate you. Who cares about the hotel staff, right? Well, if you want security to allow ladies back to your room, and access to the…party goods shady front desk workers can provide, then care you should.

 

 


Have Sex With a Strange Woman Outside The Confines of a Committed Relationship
Our girlfriends read the website, dude.