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10 Things Celebrities Should Give Up on Twitter

Parks and Recreation actor Chris Pratt isn't winning any friends among animal lovers by giving away his 15-year-old incontinent cat via Twitter, but he had a good idea that he just executed badly.

Not the giving-away-the-cat part, the celebrity-getting-rid-of-stuff-via-Twitter part. Stuff other people could use more effectively or that they actually need.

And here are 10 celebrities who could follow Pratt's example ...

10. The cast of Jersey Shore: spray-on tans. Why do Americans loathe Snooki, the Situation, and the gang so much? Here's a guess: The unnatural orange hue of their skin causes viewers to experience uncanny valley and assume they must be extraterrestrials. By giving away their spray-on tanning cans, they could simultaneously rejoin the rest of humanity and give a pasty Twitter follower an instant makeover.

9. Mario Batali: orange Crocs. Somewhere along the line, this celebrity chef failed to realize that people don't want the man preparing the things they put in their mouths to be best known for wearing the shoes every day of his life. Especially when they're the kind of footwear everyone else stopped wearing five years ago. Use Twitter to find a deserving colorblind grandma who likes to garden.

8. Shauna Sand: lucite heels. At a certain point in your life, every woman in L.A. has to decide: Are you a stripper or a D-list celebrity? Let the lucite platform heels find a nice home in a Spearmint Rhino somewhere.

7. Harrison Ford: his earring. Watching Harrison Ford going to red-carpet events wearing his single earring is kind of like watching the grandfather you adored as a kid but who you now realize is kinda senile, kinda sleazy and kinda racist hitting on your friends after divorcing your grandmother. Take it out, give it to some 14-year-old teen in San Diego via Twitter, and let Calista drive you to Golden Corral for an early senior's supper, Harrison.

6. Christina Aguilera: bright red lipstick. It's hurting our eyes at this point, Christina. And there's a drag queen in need somewhere in the Twitterverse.

5. Whitney Cummings: "Laugh!" sign. Your new sitcom Whitney is so unfunny and hackneyed that the alleged studio audience -- if it's actually human and doesn't consist of a single laugh track on a theater seat -- is obviously being forced to perform by a threatening man with a gun and a sign that lights up and says, "Laugh!" Sell the sign to a Twitter follower who wants to dress up as a failed stand-up comic for Halloween, use the proceeds to help your gunman get his GRE, and put Whitney out of its misery. That last one's a gift for everyone.

4. Madonna: all her cameras. The leak of photo-shoot outtakes in which a bewigged Madonna makes a slovenly sight in a G-string and see-through bra destroyed any lingering illusions the most diehard fan had about her glamour. Cameras aren't doing you any favors, and vice versa, Madge. Get rid of them. Get rid of them all. Doesn't matter to who.

3. Seth MacFarlane: one of his shows. The animation king of Fox dominates Sundays on the network, with Family Guy, The Cleveland Show and American Dad. Which is just greedy. Give someone else a shot at a timeslot, Seth. They're all basically the same show anyway.

2. Nancy Grace: law degree. It's not like she's actually using it, what with her the-accused-must-burn take on criminal law. Take down that framed J.D. diploma from Mercer University (where?), give it to someone who's looking to hang out a shingle in some Third World country, and put up a nice picture of flowers or puppies or something that might calm you down in its place.

1. Chris Pratt: his Twitter account. C'mon, dude, your 15-year-old ailing cat? Seriously? 

Photo from nickellis74 on Flickr and used under Creative Commons license.