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24 Hours to Live: Johnny Knoxville

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So how do you want to go?
Definitely not like silent film star Marie Prevost. She died alone in her apartment, and no one found her or her little dachshund for two weeks. Luckily, the little doggy ate Mary’s decomposing body to stay alive.

What career move is sending you straight to hell? The Ringer?
Definitely not The Ringer, you bastard—that was actually a sweet movie. Jackass the Movie and Jackass Number Two I ain’t so sure about, but at least if those films send me to hell, I will have the eight other Jackass fellas there with me.

 What stunt should have killed you?
I have almost bit it on a number of occasions, but the “Big Red Rocket” stunt in Number Two, definitely. I was riding it, but the fucking thing exploded on the launch pad and shot foot-long metal rods out everywhere. Any of them could have split me in half.

 Was there anyone on Earth you wanted to punch in the face?
If there has been anyone I have ever wanted to punch, they got punched. And then, of course, they beat me half to hell in return.

Name one thing you’re glad you’ll never have to do again on Earth.
Wax Steve-O’s balls. That was just horrible. It almost turned me off of balls altogether.

What is your proudest accomplishment?
Coining the word “gooch.” For those of you who don’t know, on a guy it’s the spot between the balls and the butthole, and on a girl it’s the spot between the grrr-gina and the butthole. I hope someday the word will make it into Webster’s dictionary. [Editor’s note: Mr. Knoxville seems unaware that this region is already known as the “taint.”]

What is your biggest regret?
I don’t know. I filmed most of ’em.

What are people saying over your casket?
“Check his pockets for booze and pills.” “I already did.” “Well, did he have any?” “Put out your hand, put out your hand!”

Nitro Circus
, the latest display of Johnny’s antics, airs Sundays at 10 p.m. on MTV. Also, check out jackassworld.com.