If you're gonna pound Cheetos on the couch all summer (way too hot to do it outside), you should at least know which TV shows to watch and, more importantly, which ones to avoid with every fiber of your being.
MAYBE IF YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED
DRAMA
Swingtown (CBS) Premieres: June 5
The Good: A show about swingers in the '70s sounds too interesting not to check out, at least for a few episodes. Sex sells, folks!
The Bad: This show comes from a bigwig behind
Big Love and
Rome, so we're wary about why it didn't end up on premium cable, or at least FX. Plus, this was originally planned as a mid-season replacement, which CBS chose not to air during the strike. What does the network's lack of faith mean for us?
Like It? Try: That '70s Show reruns, your parents' photo albums
Fear Itself (NBC) Premieres: June 5
The Good: NBC's only non-reality, non-Olympic programming. This 13-part horror anthology boasts promising talent (Brandon Routh, Larry Gilliard Jr.) in front of the camera and masters of horror (John Landis [
An American Werewolf in London], Darren Bousman [
Saw II–IV], Mary Harron [
American Psycho]) behind it.
The Bad: Cult horror and sci-fi shows are hotter than ever, but we're not sure NBC's the place we want to go for them. Here's hoping the network proves us wrong, since this has the potential to be one of our favorites this summer.
Like It? Try: Stephen King's
Nightmares & Dreamscapes, on DVD
Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Showtime) Premieres: June 16
The Good: Look no further than the show's name and sexy star (Billie Piper). This look at a high-end escort is based on the provocative blogging of Britain's Belle du Jour, though it's already aired there and is out on DVD here. Which means Eliot Spitzer won't make an appearance until the second season, earliest.
The Bad: We love
The Office and fish and chips, but England also gave us the Beckhams.
Like It? Try: Girls Gone Wild featuring Ashley Alexandra Dupré
COMEDY
The Life & Times of Tim (HBO) Premieres: September
The Good: A story we can easily relate to: twentysomething dude lives in New York with nagging girlfriend (sorry, sweetie!) who wants him to get his life together so they can book a future. Add an asshole boss, a prostitute neighbor, and a useless friend, and we're starting to wonder why we're not receiving royalties for this.
The Bad: This show sounds pretty fun actually, but it's animated. Not that we have anything against 'toons—we love 'em, in fact—it just seems off base here.
Like It? Try: You'll always be a slave to
The Simpsons.
REALITY
Million Dollar Password (CBS)Premieres: June 1
The Good: Million-dollar man Regis Philbin hosts this
Password update, in which contestants pair with celebrities (such as Neil Patrick Harris, Tony Hawk, and Rachael Ray) to give/receive clues to the secret "password." It ain't riveting, but your brain needs a break every now and then.
The Bad: Rosie O'Donnell plays celebrity in at least one episode.
Like It? Try: Anything on the Game Show Network (No Whammies!)
I Survived a Japanese Game Show (ABC) Premieres: June 24
The Good: If you ever needed proof that in today's oversaturated reality-TV market people will do anything to be on television, look no further. Will people look like morons? Undoubtedly. Will we laugh? Sure...
The Bad: Will it be terrible? Most likely. But you wanted to see adults in chicken suits squashing eggs with their asses, so here you go.
Like It? Try: Wipeout (ABC),
MXC (Spike), millions of actual Japanese game shows on YouTube.
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Have the Ultimate Summer!
