Battle of the Network Reality Stars

Unlike its inspiration—the 1970s Battle of the Network Stars that featured Farrah Fawcett’s breasts bobbing in a dunking booth and Lynda Carter’s firm physique wrapped in a skin-tight swimsuit—today’s incarnation of the classic TV competition features 32 barely recognizable personalities from 16 reality shows that you probably never watched. (Duncan Nutter from Showbiz Moms & Dads in the house!) The good news, however, is that bobbing breasts still abound and today’s suits are significantly smaller. This alone should be enough to keep you tuned in, but just in case it’s not, it’s impossible not to get a kick out of watching your favorite talentless hacks like Joe Millionaire’s Evan Marriott and The Apprentice’s Heidi Bressler jousting, running an obstacle course, and making fools of themselves in front of a national television audience all over again. Lucky for us, some people never learn.