It seems almost cruel, really. TV, our most loyal of companions, provides channels upon channels featuring a bevy of beautiful women...on ungodly unwatchable shows. While we'll occasionally flip by Gossip Girl to see how fine Leighton Meester and Blake Lively are looking these days (spoiler alert: very) we can't bring ourselves to sit through an episode, let alone an entire season, of the prime-time soap opera. Here now is our list of hot girls on shows we can't watch, plus the alternatives of what you can actually watch them on with no shame. Well, there will be some shame, just less than usual.
Jaimie Pressly on I Hate My Teenage Daughter
While you should probably keep your opinions on people's teenage daughters to yourself, on the new run-of-the-mill ABC sitcom about the perils of parenting the scorching hot Jaimie Pressly has some pretty glaring ones about her fictitious spawn (hell, it's right there in the title, guys). Still, no amount of keeps-getting-better-with-age Pressly as a distressed MILF makes a comedy (complete with the outdated laugh track) about mother-daughter woes is worth it.
What we can watch her on: Her equal parts sexy and hilarious turns in movies like I Love You, Man and Not Another Teen Movie, and on re-runs of My Name is Earl (hello, short shorts!)
Shailene Woodly on The Secret Life of the American Teenager
What's the real secret? Well, aside from providing some of the greatest clips for The Soup and unintentionally hilarious life lessons from unintentionally hilarious guest stars, this ABC Family teen drama, which doubles as an abstinence PSA, has also produced one of the loveliest rising stars out there: Shailene Woodly. Real-life consequences never looked so good. (But seriously, keep it in your pants, kids.)
What we can watch her on: The 20-year-old absolutely steals every scene she's in--from George Clooney, no less--in the Oscar bait dramedy The Descendants (in theaters now) and appears in the Drew Barrymore-directed music video for Best Coast's "Our Deal" as a bad-ass gang member.
Rachel Bilson on Hart of Dixie
What the hell are you doing to us, Rachel Bilson? First the equally guilt-ridden guilty pleasure that was The O.C., and now Hart of Dixie? What gives? It's bad enough the title is a play on words (see...her name is Hart and she's this doctor who's the heart of her small town...don't worry, you'll get there…), but the sepia-toned CW drama is more focused on small town life and sappy love triangles than sexy check-ups. Diagnosis: Boredom.
What we can watch her on: The cute actress hasn't always been a television tease: she's was a treat as a guest star on How I Met Your Mother and in those Magnum ice cream commercials, and of course we can’t leave out her hilarious, if somewhat disturbing deleted sex scene on Funny or Die.
Leighton Meester on Gossip Girl
For five seasons Leighton Meester has been playing ultimate rich bitch Blair Waldorf—God, even the name sounds like it would ignore you at a bar and crush your spirit, doesn't it? All you masochists who like the sound of that should think twice before tuning in…After all, the CW show is your girlfriend's favorite for a reason: It's chock full of high fashion, snappy remarks, New York socialites and drawn-out love affairs between terrible people. So, much like trying to pick a Blair Waldorf-type up at a bar, it's a total nightmare.
What we can watch her on: Her all-too-brief turns in comedies like Date Night and Going the Distance were just fine, but nothing, and we mean nothing, tops Leighton getting uncomfortably close to her college dorm mate Minka Kelly in the so-bad-its-indescribably-great thriller The Roommate. (Where's that Craigslist roommate wanted listing?)
Blake Lively on Gossip Girl
That's right, there's not one, but two sexy women you can't watch on this show: Blake Lively plays the equally-snootily-named socialite Serena Van Der Woodson. Actually, the hot list goes on with Gossip Girl stars and guest stars Jessica Szohr (who appeared in a much buzzed-about three-way scene with Hilary Duff) Kelly Rutherford, Elizabeth Hurley, Michelle Trachtenberg, Katie Cassidy, and the voice of Kristen Bell. Man, bad TV never looked so good.
What we can watch her on: Of all the ladies on this list, Blake might have the most elsewhere-watchability potential thanks to her roles in dude-friendly entertainment such as Green Lantern, The Town, and impressive Saturday Night Live cameos.
Dianna Agron on Glee
For a show that involves the butchering of countless classic songs and the general presence of Matthew Morrison, the title for Fox's prime time cash cow could not be more misleading. Of course, blond bombshell Dianna Agron as troubled cheerleader Quinn Fabray (clearly we weren't the only ones not watching/learning from The Secret Life of the American Teenager) does manage to get us to crack a smile. C'mon, she's technically a junior.... who's 25-years-old!
What we can watch her on: Crack open your old Heroes DVDs to check out Dianna as Debbie Marshall or rent the sci-fi fantasy flick I Am Number Four. (She's the number one, okay, only reason to watch.)
Poppy Montgomery on Unforgettable
Just like Glee, the CBS drama Unforgettable has an equally inaccurate title. The new crime caper stars Poppy Montgomery as a cop named Carrie Wells, a woman with an impeccable memory (so, it's like the opposite of Memento...in that it's terrible) and equally flawless good looks. But even Unforgettable’s arresting leading lady can’t make us forgive or forget the show’s pure awfulness.
What we can watch her on: Re-runs of the superior procedural drama Without a Trace, in which the Aussie native played a crafty FBI agent (she's crafted a nice little niche for herself on television, no?), are probably playing on USA at this very moment.
Ginnifer Goodwin on Once Upon A Time
Try as we might to get swept up in the fantasy world of ABC's very family-friendly Once Upon A Time, not even the fact that it's from the producers of Lost nor that it stars the adorable Ginnifer Goodwin help us get past the inane plot and cloying characters. The show may not be the fairest of them all, but Goodwin’s Snow White-like good looks get us every time. Even so, we’ll never live happily ever after with Once Upon a Time taking up an hour of our week.
What we can watch her on: She fulfilled the fantasy of every polygamist (or, at least every polygamy supporter/enthusiast) by playing the sweet Margene, one of the trio of lucky bastard Bill Henrickson's wives on the cuckoo HBO drama Big Love, now available on DVD. She also put the Good in Robot Chicken and made for one spectacularly uncomfortable confrontation with Reese Witherspoon in Walk the Line.
April Bowlby on Drop Dead Diva
If the name of this Lifetime comedy wasn't enough to put you off (or the fact that it's on the anti-dude network Lifetime), then the cornball theme (beauty is on the inside...pffft) ought to do it. (That, and Margaret Cho is considered the comic relief.) All of these factors make it even more upsetting that the otherworldly hot April Bowlby appears on the show. Drop dead, Diva.
What we can watch her on: She's the most slammin' thing about the 2009 comedy The Slammin' Salmon, not to mention her roles as Kandi on Two and a Half Man and the aptly titled "Hot Groupie" on CSI.
Kourtney Kardashian on every Kardashian-based show on E!
So, really, everything on E!: Sure, Kourtney Kardashian is the most tolerable thing about reality television behemoth Keeping Up with the Kardashians and its subsequent, entirely unnecessary spin-offs Kourtney & Kim Take New York and Khloe & Kim Take Miami, but that's like being...the most tolerable thing about a Kardashian show. Between the fact that she's maintained a better persona than her over-exposed sis Kim Kardashian and that she's in a relationship with a Patrick Bateman lookalike (Scott Disick), Kourtney Kardashian is worth keeping up with. Just not on the 752 hours of Kardashian programming on E!
What we can watch her on: Every conceivable gossip magazine cover. Waiting in line at the grocery store has never been so worthwhile.