Who does the holidays better than Saturday Night Live? Over the years, we’ve fallen in love with classic characters that make our spirits bright, which is why we’re taking things to the next level with our own fantasy SNL Christmas Party (complete with songs from Horatio Sans and Adam Sandler). Check out who made our guest list. (And who didn’t!)
The Host: The Continental
Who seems like a cool but also kind of terrifying guy we’d love to hang out with during the holidays? Christopher Walken as the Continental! He’d show us how to woo the ladies and, hell, he’d probably woo us too after a few winter lagers.
Guests:
The Festrunk Brothers
Stefon
Everyone’s favorite Weekend Update city correspondent will make sure our party is the hottest and most exclusive by stringing along some human suitcases, PuertaScreechans, tweekers and skeevies.
Kaitlin
Target Lady
She knows what’s on sale, she knows where to get it, and she likely has a badass discount. So long as the TL shows up, we’re sure to be stocked up on tons of tri-scented candles, Entourage DVDs, a family size bag of Swedish Fish and some Hello Kitty ornaments.
The Anal Retentive Chef
During the holidays, we don’t want anyone fucking around with our food. (You hear that, Kaitlin?) We need this guy to make sure things get made precisely and perfectly. (R.I.P. Phil Hartman).
The Devil
Linda Richman
Every holiday party needs a stereotypical Jewish mother-in-law. Plus, we can never have enough “buttah.”
Pete Schweddy
The Ladies Man
Dick in the Box Guys
The Dick in the Box Guys have been a yearly tradition since 2006. It’s not the holidays without those beards, the pants, and those… boxes. Just keep them away from Kaitlin, and we’re good.
Now, although we’re all about acceptance and gettin’ our drank on with some interesting folks, there are some characters we wouldn't invite under any circumstances. These are those people:
Mr. Robinson
He’s not that neighborly and is likely to steal all our Target goods.
Debbie Downer
Believe it or not, we don’t want to think about how many ounces of cancer our cocktails are packing, how much carbon monoxide is in the air, or how many delicious pigs had to die to make it onto our appetizer table. Oh wait, now we are thinking about it… thanks a lot, DD.
Gilly
Surprise Lady