The Librarian: Quest for the Spear

If the silence, reading, and Dewey decimal system haven't already scared you away from the library, Noah Wyle's unimaginative made-for-TV movie oughtta do the trick. The Librarian is the story of Carsen Flynn (Wyle), a man who lands a new job at a library only to discover that he's become guardian of some of the world's greatest treasures secretly housed among its books. But when one of these dusty old relics is stolen, Flynn must travel the globe to recapture it, with only a library card and an ass-kicking British babe (Sonya Walger) by his side. While Wyle's decision to leave ER, and the sexy Kelly Hu's decision to take another high-kicking villainous turn, are as overdue as our dusty collection of Hardy Boys books, one look at the lackluster action, dialogue, and campy bit parts will have you ready to check out before the first commercial break.