Death wouldn´t be so bad if these ladies´ faces were the last thing we saw before dying.
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If we could spend a weekend in Vegas with any celebrity hottie of our choosing, the strikingly sexy Milla Jovovich would be high on our list. Now, say, if Sin City—in a post apocalyptic world, of course—was teeming with crazed zombies intent on killing us, we'd never let go of Jovovich's zombie-killing hand.
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The key to being a great assassin is stealth—the ability to remain perfectly inconspicuous until the moment when you strike. But the key to making this list is throwing all of that shit out of the window and strolling through an office building wearing nothing but lingerie and two machine guns. Well played, Lola.
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Deadly little Miho. Sin City is a pretty tough place to live (Just ask…oh, wait, he´s dead…Ask what´s his name. What? Decapitated? When? Never mind…), so you know that if a five-foot-tall Asian girl can make even hard cases soil themselves, she must be something special. In a world of badass killer prostitutes in costume, she is the badassest.
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OK, so her killer moves didn´t translate into a killer movie, but no one can pout and fight at the same time like Garner´s Elektra. Plus, she has that whole "killed but then resurrected by magical ninjas" thing in her corner. Who else can boast that? It´s just a shame she fell for a blind dude who can´t appreciate her appeal, even with radar sense.
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This is how we like our Theron served: In a tight catsuit, spread eagle, with absolutely no hint of "Oscar winner" anywhere in the vicinity. Aeon Flux is an acrobatic, cold-as–Vanilla Ice killer who will not only snap your neck between her thighs—she´ll have you begging to have your neck snapped between her thighs.
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Agent Sever was a woman of few words, but of many, many ways to make you say "ow." Witness her taking down an entire platoon of SWAT guys with nothing but a pair of sticks, all without even losing her fashionable sunglasses. If they could find a way to bottle "Lucy Liu" they…probably shouldn´t. It would most likely kick the bottle´s ass and then walk away like it was no big deal.
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French women don´t actually need to go through extensive "special ops" training to become lethal killers. If they look like Ms. Parillaud, all they have to do is saunter up to you in their insane high heels, look you dead in the eye, and say, "I vill, how you say? Take you to ze restroom and kill you now, yes?" And you´d follow her like you were a starving man in the desert and her dress was made of water and pizza.
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Despite her sketchy past (we´re not talking about her time as a member of Bill´s killer posse, we´re talking about her time unknowingly servicing lonely truckers), "The Bride" is an imposingly hot figure. If you´re one of the lucky victims who gets away with just a spanking, don´t blow it by running back all, "Thank you, Ma´am, may I have another?" You´ve been given a gift. Enjoy it.
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Yes, she´s blue. Yes, she´s covered in scales. And, yes, she hates humans. But you´re missing the fine print here: She´s hot and naked, like, all the time. If you get on her good side, she might even shape-shift into someone else for the ultimate role-playing experience. Just don´t ask too many questions when she comes home late at night in the form of an anti-mutant senator whose personal attaché she just killed with her feet.
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Scientists in the future have got it all bass-ackward. You don´t start out with a perfectly good, if bulky, killing machine, then upgrade to a slimmer model made of liquid metal, then realize, "Hey, why can´t it be a hot woman?" Look at our scientists now—no cure for AIDS or cancer in sight, but they can keep a 70-year-old man erect for six hours. The very first Terminator off the lot will not only look like Kristanna Loken, it will be programmed to think sex hurts us.
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When a woman who looks like Angelina can casually slip out of the house with S&M gear under her overcoat, kill a man in a high-priced hotel suite, and then gently float 60 stories to the street below like some German fetishist version of Mary Poppins, you don´t call her the world´s sexiest assassin, you call her "Mrs. Us." So what if her idea of foreplay involves shooting up the house and kicking the shit out of us? It seems to work for the couples on Cops.