Luke Skywalker (uh, fine, Mark Hamill) helps kick off the final season of Chuck, while Beavis and Butt-Head make their long-awaited (huh-huh, you said long) return to TV among this week's best bets on what to watch.
Monday, Oct. 24
9:00 p.m. Hoarders (A&E)
The fifth season premiere of the compulsively watchable reality series about people who really don't like throwing stuff away, kicks off chronicling a woman named Mary who can't stop collecting things from the Victorian era (too soon for an Anna Nicole Smith joke?) There's also a fellow hoarder named Kevin, who has so much crap piled up in his New York City apartment he's forced to sleep on a bench outside. To be fair though, just about every New Yorker is about one Papa John's pizza box away from the same predicament.
10:00 p.m. Hawaii Five-O (CBS)
Tonight's brand new episode is titled "Ka Hakaka Maikai", which apparently translates to "The Good Fight." It makes sense, considering fighter Chuck Liddell is appearing as a guest star (guess they couldn't find the translation for "The Good You-Are-About-To-Get-Your-Ass-Royally-Kicked-In-A Fight.") Actress Daniela Ruah, who kicks a good amount of tail herself back east on NCIS: Los Angeles, is also making a cameo in the episode. You know, because Hawaii wasn't appealing enough as is.
Tuesday, Oct. 25
8:00 p.m. Zombies: A Living History (History)
We'll let it slide that this should have been titled Zombies: An Un-Living History or just Larry King: A Living History, because who are we kidding? If it's about zombies, we're there. This particular special will trace the origins of zombie references throughout history including Viking legends (we just pictured a zombie wearing a Viking helmet and now we never want to un-see it) and Haitian voodoo rituals.
Wednesday, Oct. 26
8:00 p.m. Dumbest Stuff on Wheels (Speed)
If zombies got to your braaaaaaiiiiiin while you were watching yesterday's History channel special, you're in luck because you definitely don't need it to watch this show. In fact, it's pretty much just an entire episode of America's Funniest Home Videos that only shows vehicle mishaps - it's literally car crash television. Be sure to buckle in for tonight's installment, which features a rider being dragged by a tiny motorcycle, a dancer falling off the back of a truck, and another clip that's described as "grandpa meets an ATV." As Homer Simpson would rightfully cry, "Give that man the $10,000! It works on so many levels!"
Thursday, Oct. 27
10:00 p.m. Beavis and Butt-Head (MTV)
"Uh-huh-huh, Uh-huh-huh, 'We Like To Watch'. Uhh, no we don’t. Only if it’s cool." Get ready to annoy the hell out of everyone in your life as you dust off your old Beavis and Butt-Head imitation ("Cut it out, bunghole!") now that the legendary cartoon series is back on television. Returning to its home at MTV, the dumbest animated duo of all time will get back to doing what they did best in the 90's: Sitting on their couch and making fun of everything they watch on TV. Clearly, the show had no impact whatsoever on this writer growing up. Heh, growing.
Friday, Oct. 28
8:00 p.m. Chuck (NBC)
We'll miss a lot of things about the spy dramedy Chuck, which begins its fifth and final season: The show's mix of nerd-friendly humor and big budget action sequences; all those subtle Subway endorsements; and of course, the lovely Yvonne Strahovski. The premiere will set up how the show will finish out, including a storyline about Chuck (Zachary Levi) getting adjusted to his new spy-for-hire business, but it will also rival Hawaii Five-O for best cameos of the week thanks to Craig Kilborn and Mark Hamill stopping by. Hey, if you're gonna go out big, you might as well go out with Luke freakin' Skywalker.
WHAT TO SKIP
Saturday, Oct. 29
10:00 p.m. Puppies vs. Babies (Animal Planet)
We're here to warn you: The title of this series is misleading. Looking at it you'd think they would be putting tiny animals against tiny humans in a tiny fight to their tiny deaths, which is a sport we could totally get behind. Alas, there are no (dog) cage matches or broken (baby) bottle fights – instead, this Animal Planet show has puppies and babies squaring off in cuteness competitions. But you know what would be really cute? To watch a baby fight a puppy!