The Walking Dead gets back on its feet after a long hiatus (not to mention losing the most excellent Frank Darabont as a show runner), Hairy Bikers hit the road and Tim Allen is the Last Man Standing (and, no, that's not some sort of alcohol euphemism, it's his new TV show.)
Monday, Oct. 10
9:00 p.m. Bored To Death (HBO)
Zach Galifianakis takes the parenting skills he learned from The Hangover and applies them to the third season premiere of HBO's Jason Schwartzman-as-a-detective noir comedy Bored To Death. (Hey, Carlos survived, so he did something right!) While George (Ted holy-shit-that-guy-is-everywhere Danson) deals with being a Dad when he meets his daughter for lunch, Ray (Galifianakis) attempts to bond with his new son. And by bond we mean, attempting to breastfeed by putting booze on his nipple. Sorry, but is the Galifianakis School of Parenting starting to make sense to you, too?
Tuesday, Oct. 11
8:00 Last Man Standing (ABC)
Tim Allen brings his everyday guy schtick from Home Improvement out of retirement, but without Heidi! Or Al, for that matter. A wuh?! Once again he's playing a dopey dad, only instead of three sons, he's got three daughters. In the hour-long premiere episode, Allen's newly-unemployed character Mike Baxter tries to figure out how to be a stay-at-home dad. Piece of advice: Don't follow the Galifianakis School of Parenting. The more and more we think about it, there's some serious moral--and legal-- gray areas.
Wednesday, Oct. 12
10:00 p.m. Psych (USA)
The title of the sixth season premiere episode of the psychic comedy is titled "Shawn Rescues Darth Vader." Is it because he's yelling "Nooo!" now on the Star Wars Blu-ray? Don't listen to him Shawn! He was fine in 1983 and he's fine now! George Lucas on the other hand? That guy needs some help. Actually, the episode is Star Wars-themed, only Shawn (James Roday) isn't rescuing George Lucas from himself, rather, investigating a murder that happened at the same place where a piece Star Wars memorabilia was stolen. Seriously, never get between a Star Wars nerd and what they love. You hear that, Lucas?!
Fri, Oct. 14
10:00 Hairy Bikers (History)
Typically if you're watching something on cable called Hairy Bikers, it's means you've accidentally, terribly rented the wrong movie. Alas, there's nothing traumatizing here. (Well, at least, not in the sense of intending to see pretty ladies and get an eyeful of hairy dudes on motorcycles instead.) Instead, it's just a new show about two buddies, chef Paul Patranella and biker Bill Allen, who combine their two passions and hit the road and partake in some fine American cuisine. Such as... river rat jambalaya and lamb testicles. See, not traumatizing at all! Just ask Chevy Chase's character in Funny Farm!
Sat. Oct. 15
8:00 p.m. Bizarre ER (DFH)
There's nothing we like around here more than a disgusting emergency room anecdote (who doesn't?) so imagine our schadenfreude delight when we heard that the latest installment of Discovery Fit and Health channel's series chronicles some poor bastards with some awesomely horrific cases. Tonight there's a man who shoots himself in the foot with a nail gun (Tim Taylor, you old so and so!) and a taxi driver who slips in a puddle of vomit and breaks her arm (wait, people puke in taxis?) And last, but not least, there's the guy who, oh, I don't know, accidentally hacks his head with a grinder. In his defense, who could have ever guessed something called a grinder would cause injuries?
Sunday, Oct. 16
9:00 p.m. The Walking Dead (AMC)
Last season's finale of the fantastically gory zombie saga left off with a bang. Literally, when the remaining group of survivors, lead by Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln) blew up that CDC center and booked it the hell out of Dodge. Or in this case, Atlanta. (Actually, guys, you should have probably stuck around.) Of course, escaping is never easy when you've got a horde of blood/guts/braaiiiiins-thirsty zombies hot on your tail on the freeway. And you thought 5 o'clock traffic was bad! Amiright?! …guys?
All Freakin' Week
Check local listings, Major League Baseball NLCS and ALCS (Fox, TBS)
All we know right about now is that the Texas Rangers are in and the Tampa Bay Rays are out. Maybe by the time this goes up, the St. Louis Cardinals will have pulled off the biggest upset in...days. Or the Detroit Tigers will have clawed their way back into the race. All we do now is that we really, really want to fucking go down that slide at the Milwaukee Brewers' Miller Park. C'mon, we bet Prince Fielder does it all the time! (Also, Prince Fielder, please don't kick our ass for saying that.)