Anyone who's turned on a television set in the last two decades knows about all the endless TV options. Too much for any one person to completely monitor (like mogwai that get wet, they keep multiplying), but that doesn't mean we're not going to do our best to sift through all the listings and figure out what you should be watching every week...with all the highlights, lowlights and guilty pleasures you can stand.
Tuesday, Feb. 9th
10:00 p.m. Party Heat (truTV)
Gotta love truTV and their long, illustrious history of bringing us shows featuring stupid criminals, stupid drivers and stupid drunks. Hopefully, Party Heat will combine all three, but with water thrown in! The premise here is that cameras follow cops and other less law-abiding folk on Spring Break, all while filming inebriated idiots hurt themselves and get arrested. Now, that's entertainment!
Wednesday, Feb. 10th
10:00 p.m. CSI: NY (CBS)
The CSI: NY casting director must be specifically aiming for a regular spot on this list every week with the amping up of hotness the show's currently undergoing. This week, Antonio Sabato Jr. (not the hotness we're referring to) plays a dead race car driver which, of course, leads the CSI peeps to go talk to the hottest race car driver of all time...Jeff Gordon! No wait, even better - Danica Patrick!
Thursday, Feb. 11th
9:00 p.m. Fight Science (National Geographic)
Don't worry, Fight Science isn't all science and no fight. The show takes a logical look at what kind of damage a punch or bullet can really do to a human body. Thursday's episode focuses on stealth fighters who are experts in Muay Thai kickboxing, Capoeira, Taekwondo and karate, as well as some of the weapons that go along with it. Ever wondered how a throwing star works? (Aside from just throwing it, we mean.) Hopefully you'll learn the answer here.
Also on Thursday
9:30 p.m. 30 Rock (NBC)
The 30 Rock crew celebrates Valentine's Day a few days early in the outlandish manner you'd expect. Liz schedules a root canal, Jenna gets bummed out when her stalker starts easing off, and Jack falls for the week's latest guest star, Elizabeth Banks (playing a newswoman). Jon Bon Jovi also makes an appearance as himself. (Fingers crossed for an acoustic "You Give Love a Bad Name" to go along with the episode's theme.) Oh, and get this - Tracy does something crazy and Kenneth says silly things.
Saturday, Feb. 13th
9:00 p.m. Austin City Limits (PBS)
Austin City Limits has been bringing quality, commercial-free musical entertainment into living rooms for decades now, and we're calling it early: Saturday's installment will surely be a classic with a performance by supergroup Them Crooked Vultures. TCV consists of Led Zeppelin's John Paul Jones on bass, Queens of the Stone Age's Josh Homme on guitar, and Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl on drums. The album's solid from start to finish, and we can't wait to see them bring the thunder...and bring the house down.
THE SILVER LINING
Tuesday, Feb. 9th
10:00 p.m. The Forgotten (ABC) Elisha Cuthbert Alert!
We haven't been keeping up with The Forgotten, starring Christian Slater as an amateur detective trying to identify murdered members of the anonymous Doe family (Johns and Janes, that is), but we're beyond psyched about the huge dose of sexiness that Elisha Cuthbert will bring to this week's ep as she joins the cast. (Despite the fact that her character is named Maxine Denver, she will not be playing a prostitute.) It's certainly enough to lure us into giving the show a look. A long look, indeed.
SAY IT AIN'T SO!
Monday, Feb. 8th
9:00 p.m. Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp (VH1)
In past seasons we haven't cared about Celebrity Fit Club because, well, it's kind of gross. (We're looking at you, Dustin Diamond.) Plus, there's nothing worse than seeing former "stars" all surly and bloated. But the worst part of all is seeing formerly hot ladies...not so hot anymore. This time around it's Charles in Charge and Baywatch star Nicole Eggert. Hopefully she'll return to slim and trim, and jump back in the red suit by season's end. Or maybe Sebastian Bach, who's also enlisted for Boot Camp, will try to make out with her anyway.