There's a lot of TV being bounced off the satellites these days. Too much for any one person to completely monitor, but that doesn't mean we're not going to do our best to sift through all the listings and figure out what you should be watching (or at least DVR-ing for later)...and what crap you should never, ever subject yourself or your loved ones to.
Monday
8:00 p.m. How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
For those of you who haven't been keeping score, Neil Patrick Harris' Barney just had an amicable break-up with mega-hottie Robin (Cobie Smulders) last week. Not one to waste any time, Barney will be hitting the scene (and mostly likely the sheets) again with the aid of his playbook. Dudes without ladies should tune in for some handy pick-up pointers.
Tuesday
9:00 p.m. Man Caves (DIY Network)
Rivaling The Girls Next Door, Man Caves has to be the one show on TV every guy wants to be on. Each episode, hosts Jason Cameron and football star Tony "The Goose" Siragusa grant one lucky fella the opportunity to have a room in their house remodeled into a man cave reflecting their specific manly interests. (That's way better than just plugging in a neon Coors sign and lounging on that couch you found on the curb.) This week, a fantasy football fan will get his pad made over. He'll finally have a home for his Sports Illustrated football phone!
Wednesday
11:35 p.m. The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien (NBC)
We've been big fans of Conan's run since he took over for Leno, but we're tuning in Wednesday night more in hopes of a train wreck than a solid episode. The first guest is Robot Chicken guru (and always reliable) Seth Green, but after that, the always entertaining (usually for all the wrong reasons) Heidi and Spencer from The Hills will lounge the couch. We can only hope Conan gives them an Al Roker-like thrashing. If not, at least the Brian Setzer Orchestra will bat clean-up and purify our souls of whatever crap Spencer prattles on about.
Thursday
10:00 p.m. Family Armor (TLC)
This brand-new series follows two brothers-in-law who run the San Antonio-based Texas Armoring Corporation, a shop that takes cars and turns them into rolling tanks worthy of a Bond movie. (Is that really a booming market?) We'll definitely give this one a shot, especially if it's anywhere near as crazy as American Chopper, though don't expect that level of swearing; the press release mentions the bros' faith over and over and over.
Saturday
9:00 p.m. Austin City Limits (PBS)
In what might seem like an oxymoron, Austin City Limits has been rocking PBS for 33 years. The live-music showcase features everything from jazz and classical music to blues and rock, and next weekend they'll be focusing on the rough stuff as Pearl Jam treats an eager crowd to classic tracks along with samplings from their most recent record, Backspacer. The album's been getting a ton of gushing reviews, so it should be a delightfully ear-bleeding time.
SILVER LINING
Monday 8:00 p.m., Tuesday 9:00 p.m.
Dancing With the Stars (ABC)
At last count, Dancing With The Stars appears on our televisions roughly nine times a week. Here's the thing, though — plenty of guys with Dancing-loving WAGs (and without an extra TV) have discovered the show's not that bad. Yes, the weird, castrated covers of rock songs make our skin crawl, and the judges seem ever poised to start making out with each other (or themselves), but have you seen the ladies on this contest? Wowzers. It's no surprise that the pro female dancers have got it going on, but the two remaining female celebrities are nothing to sneeze at, either. Of course, you've got Maxim correspondent Joanna Krupa, but Mya's also spinning and kicking around. Plus, there can be no higher testament to dancing's ability to make anyone look hot than the fact that, well, Kelly Osbourne looks hot. If that's not a silver lining, we don't know what is.
SERIOUSLY?
Monday
8:00 p.m. Inside the Actors Studio (Bravo)
With hundreds of channels and thousands of shows out there, it's no wonder that the idea jar can be emptied rapidly, but we didn't expect that malady to befall The Actors Studio so quickly. Have they already gone through every actor in Hollywood to the point where the distinguished James Lipton has to sit there and act interested in the babbling of New Jersey's favorite son, Jon Bon Jovi? The dude only has 16 credits on IMDb, which includes a 10-episode stint on Ally McBeal. We assume his role in U-571 and that season of The Real World where the housemates worked for his arena football team will make for some scintillating questions. Those, and the land of acid-washed everything, generic gas stations and that weird guy haircut where everything's greased upwards in defiance of gravity. But what are they going to talk about for the other 55 minutes? A direct-to-DVD Vampires sequel? Watch to find out. If you care.