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And the Winner Is... Barack Obama

Love him or hate him, at least this godforsaken election is finally over—and in that sense, everybody wins.  

Photo: RD/ Kabik/ Retna Digital | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

It’s official: President Obama has surpassed the 270 electoral votes necessary to guarantee him a victory in the most contentious national election since the last one and until the next one. If you’re an Obama supporter, congratulations. If not, fear not: A factory in China is already printing up a shit-ton of branded “Chris Christie 2016” novelty items as we speak. 

Either way, just be glad that all this election bullshit is over, so we can finally get back to talking about more important things—like which Maxim hometown hottie is the hottie-est. And remember: whether you’re celebrating Obama's win, drowning your sorrows over Romney's defeat, or still just trying to pinpoint where it all went south for Herman Cain, you should probably go get shitfaced immediately. After all, it's Tuesday night, and that's practically the weekend!