Attention, online citizens of 2011! We come to you with a message--from the FUTURE! In our time, the internet has become so entertaining that humanity has evolved into stub-armed pickled fetuses who never look away from a monitor. On the plus side, everyone's World of Warcraft character is level 79 or higher, making for epic battles in the newest expansion set ("Spear-Wenches of Haagen-Dazs").
Our mission in your era: to identify the most fascinatingly strange particles drifting around cyberspace before they consume mankind's attention and plunge our race into physical decay, even though it's hilarious to watch our little limbs waddling as we flee the sun.
Some fruits of the information sea are so weirdly intriguing and esoteric they could only arise online, and as they do, Maxim tries to track down their original source to lavish it with the attention it deserves. Also: we'll buy the source a beer. [Editor's note: there is no money in our budget for beer. Maybe you could have an imaginary beer party?]
Your first treasure: This bizarre electronic art that surfaced on Imgur last year. Don't look at it if you're not ready to see a guffaw-worthy display of un-American behavior. Then again, picking on someone weaker than us has served this country pretty well in our western expansion, so we have to assume that trash bin rests at the east end of the alley and those kids are just in his way. Regardless, Captain America, you are supposed to be better than this, but you've never been funnier.
Anyone know where this came from? If you do, email us at email@example.com with "Weird America" in the title and there might just be a nice reward in it for you. Probably a smile, which is its own reward.