Movie characters created by the “happiest company on earth” can actually be batshit crazy. Behold some moments in sheer Disneyfied lunacy.
1. Donald Duck, Mickey and the Beanstalk
An invisible something-or-other steals the magic harp of Happy Valley, leaving behind a wasteland (bummer), a slice of bread, and one bean (bigger bummer). End result? Donald goes scenery-chewingly (literally), cow-murderingly, bug-eyed mental. This is not something a child should have to see – more a lesson in psychopathic behavior tailored towards FBI agents in training. Even fucking Goofy freaks out to the point where he administers a couple of harsh dick-slaps to the loony bird.
Check it out at 01:55
2. Ben Stiller as Tony Perkis, Heavy Weights
In this otherwise standard “underdog kids have adventures at summer camp” movie, Ben Stiller brings the creepy with his turn as deranged weight loss guru Perkis. Not content with deliberately walking on broken glass to prove a point, he nearly kills several children and eventually has to be captured in a pit and punched in the face by Jeffrey Tambor, which made us cry (that’s exactly what happened to our dad).
3. David Tomlinson as Mr. Banks, Mary Poppins
As if losing your job wasn’t bad enough, poor old Mr. Banks has had to endure a smug nanny, a rogue gang of chimney sweeps busting into his house, and two of the most irritating children ever to drop the S-word (no, we’re not saying it). In all fairness to the chap, his on-the-verge-of-tears, stress-induced giggle fit here is pretty tame, compared to the flamethrower rampage that a lesser man would have embarked on at this point.
4. Chef Louis, The Little Mermaid
Although hardly the first Frenchman to go insane after a bad dose of crabs, chef Louis nevertheless puts on a sterling display of insanity after finding Sebastian all but un-killable. All in all, this is pretty much our dream episode of Iron Chef America.
Check it out at 01:37
5. Hades, Hercules
The scariest Disney villain of all time just by virtue of being voiced by James freakin’ Woods, Hades has a hissy fit that almost incinerates everyone around him. Which is probably scary enough if you’re a kid, but as an adult, all we could do was pray to God that he wouldn’t suddenly pull a VHS of Videodrome out of his own stomach.
Check it out at 00:18