There's a lot of TV options to choose from. Too much for any one person to completely monitor, but that doesn't mean we're not going to do our best to sift through all the listings and figure out what you should be watching every week...with all the highlights, lowlights, and guilty pleasures you can stand.
Monday, April 4
8:00 p.m. NCAA Men's Championship (CBS)
Since your bracket is entirely busted (...remember that time VCU beat Kansas? Yeah, us either), you can just kick back and enjoy all the action of the NCAA Men's Championship. Of course, you can still feed into your crippling gambling addiction by betting on things like how many Taco Bell commercials will air during the broadcast or how many times each team's cheerleaders will state the argument that they are, in fact, number one.
Tuesday, April 5
10:00 p.m. Lights Out (FX)
The title for this underrated boxing drama became unfortunately ironic after it was announced they were putting the kibosh on the show in its premiere season. Tonight's episode, which will mark the series finale, features “Lights” (Holt McCallany) and “Death Row” Reynolds (Billy Brown) facing off for the heavyweight title. So, rest in peace, Lights Out. And don't worry, Freaks and Geeks, Firefly, and Studio 60 will keep you company in Unjustly-Canceled-After-One-Season Heaven.
Wednesday, April 6
10:30 p.m. Workaholics (Comedy Central)
In the tradition of Office Space and The Office, the series premiere of this workplace comedy finds three slacker buddies (Blake Anderson, Adam DeVine, Anders Holm) faced with a surprise Monday drug test after a weekend-long bender. This teaches an important lesson to us all: Don't go to work on Mondays.
11:35 p.m.The Late Show with David Letterman (CBS)
We've said it before and we'll say it again: hot and funny makes for the best late night television combination. And while we typically like that in one amazing package, you can't argue when there's guests like the unfathomably hot (and lest you forget, back on the market) Eva Longoria and the king of zingers, Don Rickles, both stopping by.
Thursday, April 7
10:00 p.m.Mounted in Alaska (History)
No, this isn't another Sarah Palin-inspired porn (though, seriously, how has that title not been used yet?) But, this does seem like something the former Alaskan governor might be into. This brand-new reality series follows Russell Knight, a taxidermist who takes the heads of formerly alive animals and puts them on to walls. For, ya know, ambiance.
Saturday, April 9
8:00 p.m., 9:00 p.m., 10 p.m. How Big Can It Get?: Snakezilla/Croczilla/Dragonzilla (Nat Geo)
In addition to asking a question that would make Michael Scott's head explode, this triple feature explores how the python, saltwater crocodile and Komodo dragon are growing at staggering proportions. Sure, we all laughed at the absurdity of awesomely ridiculous TV movies like Dino Croc and Mega Python. "That could never happen!", we boasted with delight! But you know who's laughing now? Snakezilla, Croczilla, and Dragonzilla, that's who.
Sunday, April 10
8:00 p.m. The Comedy Awards(Comedy Central, Spike, VH1, CMT, TV Land, Logo, Nick at Nite)
No joke: there's finally an awards show that doesn't suck. Need proof? Let us count the ways:
1. There's no host.
2. The presenters were actually cool. Tracy Morgan presented the Icon Award to Eddie Murphy (whom he called him his "biological father"), while Bill Murray made a surprise appearance to give the Johnny Carson Award to David Letterman.
3. The winners were deserving: Modern Family for Best Comedy Series, Louis C.K.: Hilarious for Best Standup Special, and Zach Galifianakis for Best Comedy Actor.
4. The speeches came from the heart. As Tina Fey put it when she won for Best Comedy Actress, "I was so fucking crushing Helen Mirren at acting."
5. The musical numbers rock. The Lonely Island performed "I Just Had Sex" and Randy Newman was nowhere to be found.