The Dark Knight Rises opens July 20, which got us thinking how much we’d like to be Batman. Well, maybe not the George Clooney one…or the Val Kilmer one…Anyway, we’re still looking for the perfect cape, but we did find some neat Bat-gadgets for our utility belt.
A favorite of Special Forces, the Grabber Collapsible Grappling Hook weighs just 1½ pounds, but it can hold 1,650 pounds on a single one of its three folding arms. If you weigh more than that, you probably shouldn’t be scaling a building anyway—and certainly not in spandex.
When you’ve defeated your foe, you can use these lightweight ASP 56121 Rigid Handcuffs—made of stainless steel coated in ordnance-grade polymer—to secure them to a light post, ideally with a note to explain that this was street justice, rather than a bachelor party.
You can’t be Batman unless you can disappear in a cloud of smoke, and the Fat Man II Smoke Grenade produces 100,000 cubic feet of it. It takes about two minutes to fully deploy, though, so definitely plan your mysterious exit well in advance.
Finding yourself chained upside down over a tank full of vicious electric eels is a very real risk for Batman, so you would be wise to keep the LAB 11-Piece Mini Lock Pick Set handy. Also good to have in case you lose the keys to the Batmobile.
Anyone can punch a homicidal clown in the face, but for larger villains you may need something extra: 950,000 volts of electricity, say, delivered by the Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun’s 6.9 oz. rubber knuckles. Flip off the safety with your thumb, and WHAM!
Getting stabbed can really shorten your Bat-career, so always wear your ProMAX Stab-Resistant Concealable Vest under your shirt—it’s just 6 mm thick and weighs only four pounds. A jockstrap is also a good idea, if only to smooth out unsightly bulges.