Only God Forgives is still splatting movie screens with very artistically-shot gore, and an awful lot of that gore comes from one particularly nasty (and drawn out) scene involving the torture of a drug dealer using increasingly large pairs of chopsticks. Sounds silly, huh? Yeah, it kinda is. These other acts of chopstick brutality, however, will make you wince…
Sushi Girl (2012)
Last year’s Sushi Girl – a pretty nasty crime thriller – has one poor dude getting tortured for a good half hour of the movie, enduring such horrors as tooth extraction, and being smashed repeatedly in the face with an athletic sock full of broken glass. It’s…it’s not a date movie. Still, one of the more memorable moments sees Mr. Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill, driving a chopstick into the poor bastard’s kneecap with a hammer. Maybe if he’d tried that move in Empire, he could’ve kept his hand…
This Japanese crime flick from writer/director/star Takeshi Kitano sees an ex-Yakuza member go head to head with the Mafia in L.A. It also sees an insertion of broken chopsticks into nostrils that’ll make your face hurt.
We love Big. We do. It’s easily the best film about a small boy getting turned into a rubber-faced adult by a demonic arcade attraction and then sexually led astray by a much, much older woman we know of (the best one from 1988, for sure). But for anyone who’s ever worked in a toy store with a big floor piano, that movie has ruined their lives. Because all they get, all day every day, is some fucking jerk who’s seen Big and wants to try and play "Chopsticks." Like this jerk. And this jerk. And these jerks. And basically, any jerk who has ever encountered an oversized piano, ever.