7 Actors Who Make Terrible Villains

Rainbows are more frightening than these miscast baddies

Rainbows are more frightening than these miscast baddies.

Every now and then, a villain comes along that haunts our dreams. Leatherface. Michael Myers. Jafar. (What? He has a parrot that talks like Gilbert Gottfried. Terrifying.) But just as often, some pushy Hollywood agent gets their client a villain role they’re totally ill-suited for, and we pay the price. It’s going to happen this weekend when Julia Roberts takes on the role of the Evil Queen in Mirror Mirror, better known as that Snow White movie without all the grittiness, Charlize Theron or actual “Snow White” title. After she’s done laughing and grinning her way through her villainous part, maybe Julia can hang out with these actors, who also blew an evil role big time. Frankly, we’re surprised Batman didn’t just send Robin to take care of them.

Arnold Schwarzengger as Mr. Freeze and Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy in Batman & Robin

Photo: Warner Bros/Courtesy of Everett Collection | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

We’d never take The Terminator away from Arnold, and if Uma busted down our door in her yellow Kill Bill jumpsuit, we’d totally pee our pants. But Batman & Robin wasn’t all George Clooney’s fault. We can’t even Google Image search Mr. Freeze without chuckling, and if we’re supposed to fear women with ridiculous hair and eye make-up, well, Dolly Parton just got a whole lot scarier.

Colin Farrell as Bullseye in Daredevil

Photo courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

A douchey guy with a literal bullseye on his head? He must never hang out in bars, because we’re pretty sure every man, woman and child would hurl darts and cocktail umbrellas at his face in seconds.

Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates in Psycho

Photo: Universal/Courtesy of Everett Collection | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Remaking Psycho is a terrible idea on its own, but casting the star of Swingers in it is all kinds of stupid. Vince Vaughn characters don’t have debilitating mommy issues and killer streaks so much as cases of frathouse nostalgia. We’ve met squirrels who could kick Vaughn’s ass. Honest to God. Squirrels!

Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels

Photo: Twentieth Century Fox/Everett Collection | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Reducing Darth Vader to a whiny bundle of angst seems impossible, until you watch any of the Star Wars prequels. Being a villain may be easier when you’re covered in black and have a booming voice. Vince Vaughn could kick Anakin’s ass. Honest to God. Vince Vaughn!

Topher Grace as Venom in Spider-Man 3

Photos courtesy of Columbia Pictures | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

Oh, Topher. We don’t mind your weird name, and we had some good times with Eric Forman, but you are not a menacing man -- and when you’re facing down Tobey Maguire, the bar is not set very high. Venom is a scary guy on his own. But when played by a guy with frosted tips and laughable eyebrow arches, he loses his bite. (Get it? Like a venomous snake! Guys? Guys? Where’s everyone going?)

Every John Travolta villain role

Photo: Warner Bros/Courtesy of Everett Collection | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

If John Travolta knocked on your door, would you scream and collapse on your floor? Of course not! You’d involuntarily start playing Bee Gees music or just point and laugh. Whether it’s in John Woo’s Broken Arrow and Face/Off, the L. Ron Hubbard-inspired disaster Battlefield Earth, The Punisher, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 or From Paris with Love (in which he was bald and had neck tattoos), we can never, ever believe Travolta is a threat to our physical well-being. With the exception of Hairspray. We’re still having night terrors over that one.

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