Before there was you, before there was me, there was masturbation. That's right, the one activity that has truly stood the test of time. It has kept idle hands occupied since as long as we can remember and will continue to keep them occupied long after we care to admit. Therefore, it's only fair we celebrate this beautiful act of self love for a whole 31 days.
If you weren't aware that May is Masturbation Month then, surprise! Welcome to the party! For those in the know, we hope you've been doing your due diligence. To begin, let us drop some knowledge on the way in which us humans play pocket pinball, shall we?
According to a recent study conducted by vibrator company We-Vibe, women are 16 times more likely to use a toy during the act (duh), while 91% of men say their primary way of getting turned on is by watching porn (double duh). Us ladies are also more inclined to use new music or a change of scenery to get in the O-zone.
The most entertaining results? Not how, but who we're jerkin' the gherkin to. For women, it looks like we're getting off to the buff likes of Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling (and, apparently, each other). Meanwhile, lots of dudes apparently go for Jennifer Lopez. Always a safe bet.
In honor of this blessed month, we're bringing you eight more beautifully famous excuses to choke the chicken, spank the monkey, flog the bishop...well, you get the idea.
A former muse to Prince, Carmen Electra has still got it— and then some.
Just imagine Emilia Clarke, the Mother of Dragons, sitting atop your own personal throne. That should do the trick.
Emily Ratajkowski. Need we say more?
One quick fantasy about X-Men beauty Olivia Munn, and you'll likely have the urge to manhandle your mutant.
While Megan Fox may never again appear in a racy movie sex scene, this gorgeous actress will always hold a special place in your heart (and your loins).
A bikini-clad Kate Upton floating in zero gravity is pretty self explanatory, right?
While UFC queen Ronda Rousey can probably kick your ass, she's also an unstoppably sexy force of nature.
So, do like Hailee Steinfeld says and love yourself a little more this month. You've earned it.