10. Notre Dame
The Fighting Irish assured themselves a winning season thanks to a cream-puff November schedule against Navy, Air Force, Duke, and Stanford. Coach Charlie Weis can show his team Rudy all he wants; we predict a 10th straight bowl loss unless the Irish handpick a punching-bag opponent.
The Commodores haven’t had a winning season since 1982. Coach Bobby Johnson (15-43) upset Georgia last year. Vandy fans, enjoy that memory as you gaze longingly at the Jay Cutler Fathead on your bedroom wall. This season the team faces Auburn, Florida, Tennessee, and South Carolina on the road.
It’s been 13 years since they’ve been to a bowl game, and this year won’t be any different. Coach Terry Hoeppner’s untimely death in June makes a difficult situation impossible. He turned Miami (Ohio) into an offensive power with Ben Roethlisberger at QB, but the Hoosier D surrenders more than the French.
What happens when you lose 34 lettermen from a 4-8 team? That’s right: You suck! Victory took a restraining order out against Baylor in last season’s final four games, as the Bears didn’t come within 150 yards of a win. Maybe losing the top rusher from a 40-yards-a-game ground attack is a good thing.
6. Iowa State
Last year the Cyclones were college football’s version of the Cincinnati Bengals. After several off-season player suspensions followed by a litany of key injuries, the season went into a tailspin that ended with respected coach Dan McCarney’s resignation. Gene Chizik takes over as new warden this season.
5. Mississippi State
Coach Sylvester Croom is a likable guy. But when you turn in a 9-25 record after three years on the job, it may be time to put your house on the market. Losing isn’t new to Mississippi State: If you were a toddler when they won their last SEC title, we hope you enjoy cashing that Social Security check.
Things are tough when other coaches give interviews about how much they’d love your job. Well, Jim Mora Jr., send in your résumé. Coach Ty Willingham has put up 7-16 in his first two seasons here. This year he’s betting on redshirt freshman QB Jake Locker to lead the team in its first-ever 13-game schedule.
The Orange have won only one Big East game since 2004 and haven’t had a true quarterback since Donovan McNabb and his mom took their comedy act to the NFL. In place of talented first-round draft picks, look for the university to litter the country with even more sports broadcasters and drinking games.
We know Stanford likes to think of itself as the Harvard of the West. But does it need a shitty football team to prove it? During last year’s 1-11 season, the players embarrassed coach Walt Harris by quitting on him. New head coach Jim Harbaugh, the former Bears quarterback, has his hands full—with losers.
Welcome to the house that Roof built. Last year the Blue Devils went 0-12. Coach Ted Roof’s losing streak now stands at a nation-high 20 games. And what’s in store for this season? How about a tougher schedule for his outclassed outfit, including away games against Notre Dame, Florida State, and Miami. It’s just another action-packed season of Dookie football!