It’s Halloween week. Are Giants fans going to become even more insufferable?
The weeks gets off to an intriguing start with the release of the OnePlus One, a $300 smart phone that seems like it would come with a catch. It’s thin, it’s practical, it runs Android, and there really isn’t anything about it that isn’t at least comparable to more expensive models. There is no catch. We’ll be watching sales figures to see if an upstart tech company can really compete in the smartphone space.
And speaking of sales figures, Halle Berry will be launching a new lingerie line at Target. We’re going to be honest here and admit that we’d rather our consort not shop for niceties in a place where she can also buy squirt guns (though the combination of those products is tantalizing). Still, if that’s going to happen we’re on team Berry. Remember that time Halle Berry was attractive? It was always.
The World Series is going to go to six. We guarantee it. We’re talking about the teams that are absolutely determined to take this thing and even the Giant’s ludicrous rotation isn’t going to stop the hyper-productive Royals lineup. We’ll be watching on Tuesday not only out of genuine interest (and a deep abiding love for Pablo Sandoval), but because someone has to inflate these ratings. If the World Series has lower ratings than the St. Louis Blues vs. Dallas Stars (it won’t), Ken Burns and Kevin Costner’s suicide pact will come into effect.
But there is a catch. We kind of want to watch that Blues game because America may have met her favorite player. Sure, T.J. Oshie was an Olympic hero, but he was known for skill and speed. No one knew he was a scrapper until this month. Now everyone is going to want to watch him kick Valeri Nichushkin’s ass.
Want a reason to stop watching your RSS feed for Ebola coverage? No problem. Russia is launching an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. Those days when we were just terrified of Putin and his goon squad seem so simple now. It was a happier time.
The Society of American Archivists plans to launch the #AskanArchivist hashtag on Twitter to celebrate national #AskanArchivist Day, which is apparently a thing. Maybe we’ll finally get some of our pressing questions answered: Where is the proof that Clinton was a serial killer? Where is Tesla’s work for the Pentagon? There’s some frightening stuff in America’s file cabinets.
On a similar, but not particular similar note, it’s horror movie season and we’ll be embracing that fact by re-watching The Frighteners, which may well be the most underrated horror film of all time. Michael J. Fox as a ghostbuster? Yes please.
We live in New York, where the best and only way to celebrate Halloween is to spend the evening leaning against the car watching women. Sounds creepy right? Well, it absolutely is, but it’s also the only practical way to deal with a very real problem. More cars are stolen on Halloween than on any other major holiday. That’s a true thing we know thanks to the good people at LoJack, who know from missing automobiles. So yeah, we apologize for the lascivious glances, but it’s in service of a greater good: stopping crime.
And we’re considering skipping out of work early to catch a screening of Nightcrawler. We hear good things from our entertainment reporters and creepy Jake Gyllenhaal has always been the best Jake Gyllenhaal.
F1 is rolling into Texas for the United States Grand Prix. We’ll be in the trackside suites knocking back Lone Stars if you need us.
Photos by Everett Collection