Steak lovers rejoice! I have some juicy and exciting news that you didn’t know you wanted to hear, but probably knew deep down already: Apparently, meat eaters have way more sex than people who shun delicious animal protein sources and stick to meatless, green vegetarian diets.
This genuinely unsurprising revelation was brought to our attention by the good people at Gourmet Meat Club, where they surveyed over 2,000 people, and found that approximately 42 percent of meat eaters have sex at least once a week, whereas that number plummets to a woeful 16 percent for vegetarians.
Wait…do you hear that? That sad weeping noise? That’s the sound of a sex-deprived vegetarian crying into his crispy tofu nuggets, deeply regretting his choice of voluntarily giving up animal products.
However, I’d just like to quickly point out that Gourmet Meat Club is an artisan butchery and not a clinical foundation, so kindly take these findings with a grain of salt. But regardless, that doesn’t necessarily mean the survey is bullshit. In fact, I believe it.
The findings of this survey come after a previous study revealed that vegetarians are “less healthy” than meat eaters, and way more likely to have unfortunate health problems like anxiety and cancer, because meat contains essential nutrients, like vitamin B12, DHA, and heme iron, that you absolutely cannot get from any plant foods.
What’s more is that yet another study, published in the Journal of Affective Disorders, found that compared to meat eaters, vegetarian men were 70 percent more likely to be depressed, and that the lack of essential nutrients was to blame. And we all know that when you’re depressed, anxious, or otherwise unhealthy in any way, you don’t have much sex.
So, let's briefly recap why it's good to follow a vegetarian diet:
- It's not.
All jokes aside, though, it's your life, and you can choose to be a celibate vegetarian if you wish. Total respect.