Angry Amazon Reviewers Are Losing Their Freaking Minds Over SimCity

So let’s all point and laugh at them!

In today’s episode of Everyone Hates EA, angry reviewers have taken to the Amazon to destroy the latest incarnation of the SimCity franchise. Due to another DRM controversy and a more recent series of server outages (preventing people from being able to play at all, or forcing gamers to lose hours of progress on unsavable cities), the first SimCity to see light in more than a decade may become the most poorly received product in the history of the Internet. Currently standing at 1,600 1-star reviews, the newest version of one of the greatest series of all time is getting hammered – not because of the quality of the game itself, but because there are technical problems in its piracy protection. This isn’t exactly fair…but it is pretty funny! Here are some highlights from a few of the reviewers:

The Dramatic All-Caps Guy

“DID YOU LISTEN TO THAT MUSIC? DEPRESSING IS IT NOT? EA/MAXIS TOOK THEIR LOYAL FANS’ HEARTS, TWISTED IT, AND SHOVED THEM BACK: A GREAT BETRAYAL. EA/MAXIS IS A RESULT”

Yeah! You tell ’em! Whatever it is you’re actually trying to say! 

The Blackmailer

“It’s a great game when it works. So far only the server issues have been a problem. But that means I can’t play and therefore 1 star until servers are fixed.”

So if you’re watching Battlestar Galactica on Netflix, and Netflix goes down, you’re going to give the show a 1-star review? Yeah…that makes sense.

Never Actually Bought the Game

“Not sure this qualifies as a review but I was going to buy this game…until I found out about the DRM. Now, no thanks, I’ll go back to Simcity 2000. Too bad because I was actually pretty excited for this game and have been drifting away from PC gaming more and more.”

Doing God’s work, son. #brave

The Guy Who Actually Gets It

“EA IS LITTERLY WORSE THAN HITLER. NO STEAM! ORIGIN SUCK! EA KILLS FRANCHISE! ALWAYSONDRMALWAYSONDRMALWAYSONDRMALWAYSONDRM! I KNEW THIS GAME WAS GOING TO HAVE DRM I WOULDN’T LIKE BUT I BOUGHT IT ANYWAY. I HATE EA AND PAPAJOHNS.”

Let’s be friends!

Then Why Did You Buy the Game!?

“I don’t like the idea that EA can decide to shut down the servers in a year and the game will be unplayable.”

And we really hate how we’re allergic to pepperoni and it makes us die. One pepperoni slice of pizza, please. Agh, we are now dying…and…with…our last…breath I…1-star review you………

Danielle “Topanga” FIshel

Gaming Review “MLB 2K13”