<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Kindle-Fire-Amazon-Tablet/dp/B0051VVOB2/ref=amb_link_358679582_4?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-1&pf_rd_r=19EVJDKCRQ746XA1P2N9&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1329990322&pf_rd_i=507846" target="_blank">Amazon Kindle Fire</a>- That price ain’t a typo: The seven-inch Amazon Kindle Fire really does cost just $199 freakin’ dollars. Yep, this thing may go for less than half the iPad, but it still delivers a whole lot more than half its functionality. We’re talking movies! Music! Web browsing! Apps! And a Hogwarts’ worth of under-the-hood magic (think: a Web browser that magically materializes video-filled sites in seconds). And, oh, yeah: You can also use this Kindle to read e-books.
<a href="http://www.verizonwireless.com" target="_blank">Motorola Droid Bionic</a>- There are fast phones and phones with fast connections. This bad boy is both: The combo of Verizon’s 4G network (which is still the fastest on the block) and a 1 Ghz dual-core processor is just dangerous.
<a href="http://www.t-mobile.com" target="_blank">Samsung Galaxy S II</a>- Not only does this phone have a pretty face (its 4.5-inch Super AMOLED Plus screen is nuts), but it’s also one of the first to use a new version of T-Mobile’s 4G network, which doubles data-devouring speeds.
<a href="http://www.apple.com" target="_blank">Apple iPhone 4S</a>- To our new robot overlords, we welcome you! The Apple iPhone 4S doesn’t just juice its predecessor’s processor and camera (8 mp, 1080p HD video!); it’s also a Hal-9000-like sentient assistant, capable of responding to your voice-delivered orders. “What’s the weather?” (Boom! Weather app!), “How do I get to Caesars?” (Bang! Maps!) “Make me feel loved.” Uh, sorry, guy, there is no app for that.
<a href="http://www.xbox.com" target="_blank">Xbox 360 Kinect Star Wars Bundle</a>- How do you make a six-year-old game system new again? Make it look (and beep) like R2-D2 and pack it with a Kinect motion sensor, that new Star Wars game, and a shimmering C-3P0-style controller. Seriously: If you don’t buy the Xbox 360 Kinect Star Wars Bundle (it drops early next year, so preorder it now!), George Lucas may not make rent this month.
<a href="http://www.sonos.com" target="_blank">Sonos Play:3</a>- Not just a speaker, the Sonos Play:3 is a magic box capable of blasting almost any song ever recorded…instantly. Just plug this sucker into a wireless router and it pulls your tune of choice from the cloud-based music service Spotify (or Pan¬dora or your computer’s song stash). Keep your guilty pleasure tracks in the cloud to avoid embarrassment.
<a href="http://www.sonystyle.com" target="_blank">Sony DEV-5 Bionics</a>- We’re not gonna tell you what you should and shouldn’t do with the Sony DEV-5 binocs—which have a built-in 7 mp still shooter, along with an HD and 3D (yep: 3D!) video cam. Just check your local laws, and know that the bushes and branches of all Maxim editors are strictly off-limits.
<a href="http://www.Olympusamerica.com" target="_blank">Olympus PEN E-P3</a>- Bulky SLR cameras snap the best shots, but good luck stuffing one in your pocket (unless you happen to be a kangaroo or a clown). The 12.3 mp, 1080i HD video Olympus PEN E-P3 is part of a burgeoning breed of compact cams that pack the perks of an SLR (Interchangeable lenses! A pro-quality image sensor!) into a shrunken shell.
<a href="http://www.dyson.com" target="_blank">Dyson Hot</a>- Like the subject of a restraining order, the Dyson Hot quickly switches from hot to cold. In sweaty surroundings it serves as a bladeless fan, magically shooting a breeze through its elliptical hoop. Feeling frigid? The device doubles as the world's most attractive space heater.
<a href="http://www.sharpusa.com" target="_blank">1080p Sharp Aquos LC-80LE632U</a>- Holy shitsticks, this is one motherfuckin’ huge TV. The 1080p Sharp Aquos LC-80LE632U gives you 80 inches of wall-filling awesomeness, making it the current crown-wearer for largest LED LCD TV on the market and bestowing on it twice the screen space of a teen¬sy 55-inch set. You can almost jam a fist through those high-def pores.
<a href="http://www.gracedigitalaudio.com/the-victoria-nostalgic-internet-radio-p-163.html" target="_blank">The Victoria Nostalgic Internet Radio</a> - The future meets the past with this super-high quality digital radio, in a classic 1940s wooden case. Get the benefits of modern technology in the style of the old days, without any of that bothersome business of hand-cranking the cogs, oiling up the receiver-spigot and combing the air for radio-waves with your aluminum ether-detector (we literally have no idea how shit used to work).
<a href="http://www.mydeskpets.com/tankbot/" target="_blank">Tankbot</a>- If there’s anything more fun than a remote-control tank that charges via USB and uses your phone as a remote control, we don’t want to know about it, because the only thing more fun than a remote-control tank that charges via USB and uses your phone as a remote control, is a sexy beach volley ball-playing pizza oven with Louis CK’s personality and the ability to wipe your ass, and that doesn’t exist yet, so we don’t want to hear any more of your lies, thank you.
<a href="http://www.griffintechnology.com/crayola-colorstudiohd" target="_blank">Griffin: Crayola ColorStudio</a>- Designed to turn your iPad into a “living coloring book” (only without the papery, rasping nightmare of floor-shuffling, paper-cutting horror that would imply), this is more than just a simple stylus. The iPad can distinguish between the “pen” and your excitable, swiping fingers, meaning you can customize your options without scribbling all over your drawing. The really awesome part is that some of the pre-loaded coloring screens are animated, which is a blast for any kid (and by “kid”, we mean your permanently high cousin Stevie who works at White Castle).
<a href="http://www.thinkgeek.com/electronics/portable-audio-video/e3f4/" target="_blank">SpyNet Night Vision Mission Video Watch</a>- Is your roommate stealing your beer? There’s one way to tell: Leave the old spy watch lying around and it will record audio, video, and stills (in regular and time lapse). Afraid he’s absconding at night? Use the friggin’ night vision! It looks like a toy but stores up to 20 minutes of video, over 4 hours of audio, and up to 2000 pics. Need to know what time it is? Use the watch, silly!
<a href="http://www.dyson.com/fans/heaters.asp" target="_blank">Dyson Hot</a>- Dyson’s flipping the switch from suck to blow with their new line of fans. Our favorite among them is the “Hot”, a heater/cooler with a thermostat that’ll heat your room to perfection by using insanely advanced technology to do simple things better – and more expensively - than anyone else.
<a href="http://uncrate.com/stuff/nikon-1-system-cameras/" target="_blank">Nikon 1 System Cameras</a>- This is perfect for the faux photography buff who really doesn’t know anything about photography (cough *hipsters* cough). You can slip it in your pocket, but the images will look like you used a professional camera, so long as you remember the three biggest professional photography industry insider secrets: 1. If the subject is blurry, stand back a bit. 2. If the subject is too small, move further forward. 3. If the subject is ugly, dim the lights. It’s easy when you know how!
<a href="http://photojojo.com/store/awesomeness/iphone-slr-mount/" target="_blank">iPhone SLR Mount</a>- When it comes to taking good pictures, anyone in the know will tell you how important lenses are to your end result. Apple can add as many megapixels to the iPhone’s cam as they want, it’ll never look as good as hooking either Canon or Nikon lenses onto it, which you can now do with Photojojo’s iPhone SLR mount. Stalking someone with a telephoto lens? Now there’s an app for that.
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/American-ARCFR160R-Microlink-Self-Powered-Flashlight/dp/B001QTXKCE" target="_blank">Red Cross Self-Powered Radio, Flashlight, Solar Power and Cell Phone Charger</a>- You might want to have one of these if you’re ever up Shit Creek. There’s no paddle, but this Red Cross device has a ton of functionality to guide you safely home from Grandmother’s house, assuming your grandmother lives in the woods somewhere far from civilization. It’s a flashlight, A.M./F.M. radio and phone charger that works with or without batteries. In fact, the only thing this thing won’t do for you is wipe your ass although, really, you could do worse than try in an emergency.
<a href="http://thisispopa.com/" target="_blank">Beep Industries: POPA</a>-
It’s a big red button that clips onto your iPhone so you can take pictures while feeling like it’s a real camera! So…yeah. We’re not sure how that costs 80 bucks, either, but it does look pretty satisfyingly chunky, and it’s going to be handy for older folks who have trouble with fiddly things like touchscreens. That said, this is mostly going to be used by annoying hipsters, but screw it, we love anything with big red buttons on it.