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Australian model/goddess Sophie Monk can’t step onto a beach without the paparazzi going crazy. Somehow we can’t blame them.

With hit records back home and more TV appearances than you can shake a wallaby at, Aussie stunner Sophie Monk is a big deal Down Under. And now, with her new comedy, Hard Breakers, Maxim’s favorite sassy sexpot is ready to bring the ruckus to America. We rang her at her hotel room in Australia and imagined neither one of us was wearing pants.

Hello! So is it four o’clock in the morning over there, three weeks ago? We don’t know the time difference.
We’re a day ahead, about a 10-hour difference.

VIDEO: Sophie Monk: Behind The Scenes

You mean you’re calling from the future? Are there flying cars?
No, no, we’re definitely behind in that kind of thing in Australia. My Internet is so slow! If you have cable, you’re, like, loaded.

Do you spend most of your time in Australia?
No, I live in America, but I am here working on my own lingerie and sleepwear line.

Do you road test every bra you make?
No, but I know our partners are excited because they have a designer who can model her own clothes. But I’d never walk on a runway with it. I am not Gisele. I am not showing my ass without airbrushing—ever!

But you don’t seem like a shy person...
It’s funny. When you put a camera on me, I’m not shy whatsoever. But if I go to the beach, I will not wear a bikini because I’m so self-conscious. There is the Sophie who likes being sexy for the cameras and the Sophie who stays home and is a bit of a dork.

VIDEO: Sophie Monk: Behind The Scenes

So you don’t walk around your house in lingerie making pouty faces as you brew coffee?
God, no! I’ve fooled all my past boyfriends. They’ll see pictures and be like, “Oh, yeah!” Then we’ll hang out, and I’ll wake up in last night’s clothes with makeup smeared on my face. And I’ll be like, “Not very cute, is it?”

Do you live up to the stereotype of the hard-partying Australian?
Oh, yes. L.A. has a lot of drugs, and I will never, ever touch that stuff. But I’ll drink for sure, and I will drink anyone under the table.

What’s your drink of choice?
I love white wine. Or vodka. Oh, and I love tequila. It is the best invention in the world. Everyone in America is very into AA. A friend will say, “I have three glasses of wine a night, so I’m going to AA.” I have three glasses a night, too, and I don’t think it’s enough!

Do you have any advice for American travelers looking to pick up Australian women?
Definitely not “I work for this, I do that.” Girls are not impressed by that stuff. The guy who holds the room around here is the funniest guy. In L.A. people will be giving you their résumés, and I’m like, “I don’t care!” If a guy has you laughing, he’s going to do well.

So guys should work on their knock-knock jokes?
You’ve gotta be pretty witty!

VIDEO: Sophie Monk: Behind The Scenes

Have any favorite jokes?
Oh, no, I’m terrible with jokes, but I know this one: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? I don’t even know the answer—because I’m blonde. Get it?

Good one! You were just on Chelsea Lately, and you said you were thinking of “joining team Samantha Ronson.” Have you?
No. I just know I won’t like it. I wish I were a lesbian. Men are too much hard work. Actually, I wish I were a gay man. You get the best of everything: You get to look hot, be into fashion, and no emotions!

Are you conscious that there are people photographing you wherever you go?
In L.A., yes, but then I come back to Australia and let my guard down. There’s a picture of me picking my nose, and I can’t deny it. I had my whole thumb up there. So you have to laugh it off, but it can make you paranoid.

What kind of guy does a super-duper gorgeous woman like yourself go for?
A guy who is comfortable in his own skin. If you put together all the guys I’ve dated, you’d be amazed. None of them look alike. All shapes, sizes, and ages. One guy looked like he was out of The Lord of the Rings, and I had a brain crush on him. I usually don’t go for good-looking guys. They’re always checking themselves out in mirrors.

You just gave millions of guys hope out there.

STATUS UPDATE

From: Queensland, Australia

Birthday: December 14, 1979

Guilty pleasure: Chocolate. “It’s out of control. I’ve got to stop that because it is not good for the bikinis.”

Hidden talent: “I have small hands and a huge mouth, so I can stick my fist in my mouth. I don’t know how or why I discovered that.”

Celebrity crush: “It used to be Brad Pitt, but all those kids…seems like it’d be too much work.”

Worst kissing partner: “In Date Movie I had to make out with this guy, and right before we started the scene he told me he had bad stomach problems. He had the taste of vomit in his mouth.”

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Sophie Monk