How To Cheat A Drug Test: 5 Tips For Cleaning Up Your Pee
If you absolutely need to. You know, because someone spiked your drink. Or something.
There are few things more terrifying to the average gentleman than the words “surprise drug test” – particularly if that gentleman happens to be a professional athlete. Barely a week goes by without hearing about someone getting busted, whether it’s former 100-meter world record holder Asafa Powell, whose backup doping tests came back positive just last week, Lance Armstrong, A-Rod, or pretty much every single athlete in Turkey. Even if you’re not an athlete, there are plenty of dudes whose day could be pretty well wrecked by a surprise drug test (especially if they themselves got pretty well wrecked at the weekend), which is why we invited Yaacov Shoham, the man behind home drug test Touch & Know, to weigh in with five ways to help you pass a drug test. Don’t say we never do anything for you!
1. Dilution
“This is probably the most common way to cheat a drug test. It is recommended that before you take your test, you should drink eight glasses of water or more, until your urine is clear. However, be sure not to chug gallons of water, as you can run the risk of water poisoning. Additionally, since some test administrators will check the color to ensure dilution was not tried, take B-vitamins before your test to add color back into your urine.”
2. Detox Drinks
“It is unclear how these actually work, but they do. Be cautious when taking these because they usually start working in about 1-2 hours, they don’t last for long periods of time, and may not work for some people. Additionally, they can be on the more pricy side, so ask around, or test it before you use it.”
3. Substitution/Synthetics
“This is probably the most difficult way to cheat your way through a urine test because you have to smuggle it in. You can either bring a container filled with a clean friend’s urine, use a pre-mixed sample, or a prosthetic penis. If you decide to go with this option, remember, some tests measure the temperature of the urine, so when you bring in your ‘sample’, keep it close to your body, so the liquid will be close enough to body temperature. Finally, we wary of rubber bands, Velcro, and tape, because the test administrator may stand outside the door and listen for those things.”
4. Take Midol
“This one may seem a little surprising, but Midol contains diuretics, which promotes the production of urine, diluting the amount of drugs in your system.”
5. Timing
“You always want to give your ‘cleanest’ sample, so try to urinate at least two times before taking your test, because the first time you use the bathroom each day is the ‘dirtiest’. Also, collect your sample mid-stream.”
The Touch & Know analyzes 22 illicit substances, provides immediate results, and is available at Walgreens.com for $19.99