Game of Thrones fans know that seriously explicit sex scenes are a brand cornerstone of the medieval fantasy series. Featuring the most beautiful dames of the Seven Kingdoms, these scenes have rewritten the rules of seduction and decency for generations of TV viewers to come. From them, there is much to learn.
The show returns for its fifth season on Sunday, April 12th, and to celebrate we've analyzed the best—and most helpful hookups in all of Westeros. What can we learn from the kings, queens and Wildlings? Read on.
1. Dani Targaryen Learns to Please Khal Drogo: As she transitioned from Dani to Khaleesi, the soon-to-be Mother of Dragons gets a lovemaking lesson from her handmaid, Doreah, who used to, um, please men for a living. She offers Khaleesi a hands-on lesson in how to exert her powers in the bedroom (really, the master tent) and make Khal see her as his equal.
Lesson learned?Take control. Confidence is key between the sheets. Ensure your partner you know what you’re doing and they will be putty in your hands.
2. Ygritte and Jon Snow Finally Hook Up: Having taken a vow of celibacy upon entering the Knight’s Watch, Jon Snow comes into his relationship with his captor, fiery Wildling, Ygritte, with a handicap. That is, until Snow turned his back on the Knight’s Watch and embedded with the Wildling clan. To test if he’s actually renounced his vow to the KW, Ygritte lures Snow into a cave and lets him have his way with her.
Lesson learned?Be present. If an opportunity presents itself, go for it—life is short (Especially if you spend your days fending off winter and White Walkers).
3. Khaleesi Gives Herself (Willingly) to Khal Drogo: Khaleesi listens to her wise and sexy handmaid and finally mounts Khal (also known as 'The Stallion Who Will Mount the World’) and makes him look at her as they do it, finally, as equals.
Lesson learned?Make eye contact. Nothing is sexier than gazing into the eyes of the person who wants you most in the heat of the moment.
4. Robb Stark and Lady Talisa Take It to the Floor: After meeting on the battlefield, Robb Stark and Lady Talisa tried resisting one another as Stark was engaged to marry into the house of Frey. Eventually lust (and love) triumphed, and the two go at it on the wet, dirty floor.
Lesson learned?Be spontaneous. Sometimes the mood strikes at inconvenient times and locations, but that shouldn’t stop you from getting it on. Having your way with each other when it seems there’s no other option is pure raw, unadulterated fun, and, hey, you deserve it.
5. Littlefinger Teaches New Brothel Bedmate About Sex and Power: In one of the more overtly pornographic scenes in the GOT series, Lord Baelish (also known as Littlefinger) informs a new recruit the ways of his brothel. Under his tutelage, he explains to her how a woman needs to be more than sound effects to be successful in the bedroom, and enlists multiple women as teaching aids.
Lesson learned?Put your money where your mouth is. Don’t simply talk a big game in the bedroom, put it into action. There is no faking it here.
6. Viserys Targaryen and His Bath Time Play Date: During the only scene in which you don’t want to punch this guy in the face, Viserys laments power and control in a seductive moment of foreplay that leaves his bath time beauty desperate for more. Finally, she gets it.
Lesson learned? Tease her. Solid foreplay will often lead to the best sex sessions as your partner is then primed and ready for the taking.
7. The Red Woman (in general): The Red Woman, aka The Red Priestess of the Lord of Light, aka Melisandre, is the ultimate temptress, seductress and manipulator. With very little effort, she is able to mesmerize and enchant the men around her at all times. One of her victims, Gendry, the an unacknowledged bastard son of King Robert Baratheon, is so taken by the priestess that he allows her to tie him to a bed, only to be leeched of his own blood for a ritual.
Lesson learned?Seduce her. Don’t rush— take your time warming up your partner by showing and telling them how sexy they are and how much you want them. (Also, don’t let a notorious priestess lure you into her lair. Just don’t.)
8. Prince Oberyn Martell and His Sand Snake Storm the Brothel: When we first meet Prince Oberyn Martell and his sultry lover, Ellaria Sand, they have just arrived at King’s Landing for the Royal Wedding. Off the bat, one thing is made abundantly clear: the Martells like sex. With anyone. With each other, with men, with women, it doesn’t matter. Free love for all! They love sex so much in fact, that they begin hooking up in front of a Lannister who is attempting to reprimand them.
Lesson learned? Focus. When you’re in the zone, nothing should get in between you and your partner. Relax your mind and hone in on the task at hand. You’ll thank us later.