For people who love sex but hate all the icky genital contact that comes along with it, the LovePalz is a new Bluetooth-enabled device that allows you to boink your partner from another room, another state, or even another country. Looks like you’ll finally be able to consummate your relationship with your “girlfriend” in Canada!
There are two components to the LovePalz: The “Zeus” (for him) and the “Hera” (for her). They look like pepper mills, so when you’re not putting your peen in it, you can leave it on the kitchen counter and no one will be any the wiser. After you and your lover have taken your respective units, all you need is an internet connection, a smart phone (installed with the LovePalz app) and a whole lot of humility. Now just make a video call to your LovePalz-equipped lady friend and commence e-boning! According to the LovePalz website, here’s how it works: using a new type of motion-sensing technology, the devices simulate the action happening on the other end. So if you’re jackhammering away on Zeus, Hera will be matching your vigor. Likewise, Hera senses the pressure inside the toy based on vaginal reaction, and then sends that information to Zeus. Greek mythology has never sounded so sexy! Or confusing!
The LovePalz are still being developed, but you can pre-order a pair for $95. They’re also offering a limited number of 24-karat gold-plated units for the low, low price of $10,000 - because your genitals deserve the best.