It’s Saturday night and you’re out on the town, drinking with your buddies and having a damn good time.
“Wow, who’s that over there?” You think to yourself, eyeing the hottie at the other end of the bar. You strut over and slide right in next to her. “Hey baby,” you say, flashing your most charming smile. “Did you fall from heaven? Because have sex with me."
Now, while the only thing this scenario would lead to in reality is a drink thrown in your face, let's say for the sake of argument that this heinous pickup line worked, or perhaps you just turned on your intense charm, and you two are on your way back to her place for a night of wildly uninhibited sex. Hooray for one-night stands, right guys?
Ever found yourself in this situation? Yeah, most guys have. But have you ever wondered what women are thinking when they're having sex with someone they don't know, and will probably never, ever see again?
If you're nodding yes, please read on to find out the ten things she's thinking during a one-night stand.
1. "What’s your name again?”
Charles? Alex? Matt. It was Matt. No, no -- it was something exotic, like Joaquin, or Dijon. Haha, that’s mustard. Yikes, I’m drawing a blank here.
2. "Do you even know my name?
What’s my name? I mean, I don’t exactly remember your name (okay, I don’t remember it at all), so are we on a no-name basis? Anonymous one-night stand. Cool.
3. "Please, God, please let him know where the clitoris is.”
The same rules of dating-sex still apply to one-night-stand-sex. The clitoris is still located in the same general area, and still requires the same stimulation for female pleasure.
Please, for the sake of your confidence and women everywhere, know where the clitoris is. In all fairness, we acknowledge the fact that the vagina is a literal maze, but you should memorize that maze. Be one with the maze.
4. “You better wrap it up, buddy.”
Come on, dude. I don’t know where your dick has been, or its state of STD free-ness. Better safe than sorry. Unless you're both too drunk to care, of course.
5. “HIS NAME IS BRAD.”
Aha! There we go.
6. “He knows where the clitoris is!!”
7. "Yessss sexxxxx."
That was great, wouldn't you agree, Brad?
8. “Did he really just roll over and pass out? He just rolled over and went to sleep.”
Oh my God why. WHY.
9. "Well, nothing to do but go to sleep."
Good night, hope you’re still cute in the morning.
10. "Good morning! Hope you slept well. Now please leave."
Come on, out you go. The sun is up and I need to move my bowels before brunch, and I cannot have you here for that. It’s been real, my dude. See you never.