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24 Hours to Live: Danny Trejo

Hollywood’s toughest mofo—and the star of Machete Kills—faces his final day.


Illustrated for Maxim by Andy MacGregor | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013

How do you want to go?
Not sure, but I’d like to go quick. And laughing out loud.
 
You always play the quintessential tough guy. Who do you think is the toughest dude in heaven and why?
God. He runs the place!
 
What about in hell?
If I get there, I’m going to be the toughest guy.
 
You’ve been working almost constantly since you started acting in ’85. Do you hope they make movies in the afterlife so you can keep it up?
I hope so; otherwise it’s going to be pretty boring. I don’t float on clouds, and I hate harp music.
 
What has dying on-screen taught you about dying in real life?
Nothing, because I always come back.
 
While you were alive, what did you spend the most money on?
Cars!
 

Photo Courtesy of Open Road Films
 
Name one thing you’re glad you’ll never have to do again on Earth.
Go to prison.
 
What is the wildest thing you ever did while you were alive?
Witnessing my daughter’s birth.
 
Your tattoos are legendary. Would you go out and get any fresh ink on your last day?
Yes. It would say "I love god," so He’ll agree to take me.
 
Besides a machete, you’ve wielded almost every weapon imaginable on-screen. Any you’d like to be buried with?
No, the machete is the coolest one.
 
What woman did you always want to sleep with?
I don’t have any more fantasies. I just like to be with a woman whose company I enjoy.
 
What are people saying over your casket?
Hopefully that I was a good man of great character.
 
Deathbed confession time: What would people be shocked to know about a tough guy like you?
They might be shocked to know that my kids can still make me cry.
 
Got any last words?
My favorite saying: I’d rather shoot for the moon and miss than shoot for the gutter and make it.

Check out Danny Trejo's Classic Rides and Dog Movie Reviews: Machete Kills.