In the fall, ESPN's college sports network, ESPN U, is wall-to-wall with football coverage. And in the winter, it's all college hoops all the time. But in August, there's not shit to show on the U, which is why the Worldwide Leader has turned the U into ESPN "Ocho" for one day only.
The fictional network, which sprang from the mind of Dodgeball writer Rawson Marshall Thurber, promises coverage of everything that's "almost a sport."
Today, ESPN is delivering on that promise. Here's the schedule for 8/8:
Midnight: 2016 American Disc Golf Championship
2 a.m.: 2016 WFTDA Roller Derby Championships
4 a.m.: 2016 Sky Zone Ultimate Trampoline Dodgeball
5:30 a.m.: Firefighters World Challenge XXV8
8 a.m.: 2016 Kabaddi World Cup Final
9 a.m.: World Darts Championship
11:30 a.m.: Arm Wrestling: Best of WAL 2016 Championship
12:30 p.m.: 2017 Championship of Bags
2:30 p.m.: EVO 2017 World Championship – Street Fighter
5:00 p.m.: Moxie Games
7 p.m.: U.S. Open Ultimate Championship
We all know what darts, but some of these sports will be brand new to most. Take Moxie, which ESPN describes as a combination of sports, including "dodgeball and juggling, martial arts and volleyball, and table tennis and soccer." We still have no idea what that is!
There's also Kabaddi, a sport that resembles a mixture of tag and team wrestling.
After watching the video, we still have no idea what that is!
Props to ESPN for having some fun during a time of year when ESPN U would be showing meaningless bowl games from last December. Or even worse, two blithering idiots talking about Tom Brady's legacy. This nonsense is so much better.