Bet on the Bears to beat the Packers, the WFT to upset the Cowboys, and a $10 parlay that pays $256.
Well, the streak continued last week and, at this point, I’m just frustrated.
In Week 13, the lock missed, which hurts, because not only did the Buffalo Bills lose on their own home field, but they did so against the New England Patriots, who now own the top seed in the AFC playoff bracket.
I can’t make it clear enough to the universe how much none of us wants this — the inevitable Patriots vs. Buccaneers Super Bowl. But it’s that combined power of not wanting, this civilization-wide reverse jinx, that’s making it happen.
Of course, I hit the upset because I always get one or the other. I also hit both worst games and the four-game parlay (for the second time this season).
It was a good week, a serious money-making week. But, as Walter White once said, I’m not in the money-making business…I’m in the empire business.
So, I have once again scoured the Week 14 NFL Odds at MaximBet to hand-select for you this holiday charcuterie platter of picks.
Old Covid Toe returns as Aaron Rodgers is rested, relaxed, hopped up on cattle dewormer and ready to do battle with the team for which he’s declared his official paternity like a skinny guy with a crustache sitting next to a 300-pound woman on an episode of Maury.
And while the Packers victory is all but predetermined, the spread is what we’re working with here, and 12.5 points is a little too high.
Of Rodgers and the Pack’s last five wins over Chicago (all consecutive, I will add), only two would have covered such a lofty spread.
In their last 13 matchups, of which Green Bay has won 11, the Packers would have covered that spread four times.
Under no circumstances do I feel the Bears can win, but I’m playing the odds and history here. Come along for the ride.
Take the Bears at +12.5.
Taysom Hill gets another start for the Saints after tossing four interceptions right into the hands of the Dallas Cowboys last week. The Jets are at home and, thanks to losing 33-18 to the Philadelphia Eagles, secured their sixth consecutive losing season.
Any interest we had in the Detroit Lions is gone now as their victory over the Minnesota Vikings last Sunday moved them from the ranks of historic losers, to just ordinary, everyday losers.
Thanks to the NFL rumor mill, the Broncos now have an offseason to look forward to as a possible destination in a Russell Wilson trade as if they needed another reason to hit the Madden sim button.
Take the Jets at +5 and/or take the Broncos moneyline at -375. But, as always, it’s probably smarter to steer clear of both.
Once it was clear that Jason Garrett’s tenure as the clapper on the Dallas Cowboys sideline was at an end, there was one obvious choice to replace him.
One Super Bowl coach who was currently unemployed who had run a team with a generational talent at quarterback to near perfection. A man who got the most out of his team, who took a franchise in a period of malaise and made them the talk of the league, earning his quarterback an NFL Most Valuable Player award in the process.
That man was Ron Rivera. And Jerry Jones hired Mike McCarthy.
Now Rivera, with a significantly inferior team, has led the WFT to four consecutive wins, one over the defending Super Bowl Champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Washington is primed for a second consecutive playoff appearance and sitting two games behind the Cowboys in the NFC East. After Sunday, it’ll be one game.
Take the WFT at +4.
Oh, if the shoe fits, wear it. If New York’s in debt, why should Virginia bear it? Uh, our debts are paid, I’m afraid, all thanks to dropping a Hamilton on last week’s winning four-team parlay.
We’re not content to sit on our laurels after cashing in a $329 parlay a week ago.
Frankly, I’m not even sure what a laurel is. I want to say it’s an ass, but it’s an old-timey phrase and could literally mean sitting on a pile of flowers. I’m not going to bother looking it up as I don’t have the free hard drive space in my brain to learn anything new.
As usual, we build this parlay on the foundation of our upset pick — WFT (+175).
To that, we’re going to add the Ravens (+118), Bengals (+107) and Rams (+115).
These shouldn’t be so hard to talk ourselves into. The Baltimore Ravens, coming off a last-second loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers, are playing the Cleveland Browns with a one-armed Baker Mayfield.
The Cincinnati Bengals and San Francisco 49ers are both coming off losses, but Cincy is at home. The call is coming in from the Niners fanbase and media to bench Jimmy Garoppolo for Trey Lance once again, even with a postseason spot on the line.
And finally, if the Los Angeles Rams are going to make any run at an NFC West title and a home playoff game, they have to knock off the Arizona Cardinals Monday night. Sean McVay is 8-1 against the Cards as a head coach and his first loss to them came back in October.
A $10 parlay bet on these four teams pays $256.
Adam Greene is @TheFirstMan on Twitter.
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