Women’s Deepest, Darkest Sexual Fantasies
What your lady isn’t telling you about, and how to make it happen.
Back when I was 20, the Internet taught me everything I never knew about taboo sex, bizarre fetishes, and obscure fantasies. It all happened when my roommates introduced me to a handful of disturbing (and disturbingly encyclopedic) sites that showed me that some people got off on the idea of playing with excrement, some fantasized about sex with chickens, and still others desperately wanted to be tied up with rubber hoses. It seemed like a twisted and sometimes unsanitary world, but my eyes were opened to the notion that the mind-body connection works in mysterious ways: Even the most depraved thoughts can bring pleasure.
Sexual fantasies, of course, are a normal part of life. In our minds, we can engage in risky behavior without consequences and indulge our inner freak without judgment. But if regular girls like me aren’t exactly stimulated by enemaerotica.com, what are we thinking about while we’re getting down and dirty? To find out, I convinced dozens of women to reveal their most taboo sexual desires. It’s time you learned what she’s really thinking about during sex, why she’s thinking it, and what it says about her. Then you can decide whether to make her wildest fantasies come true—or run!
Her Fantasy: Girl-on-Girl
Congratulations! Turns out your ultimate fantasy is one of hers as well. But before you bring your female assistant home for a threesome, take note that you’re rarely included in this mental picture. One woman described a scenario she masturbates to: “I fantasize that I’m at the gym, alone in the steam room with a beautiful woman. Without talking, we let our towels fall and then start kissing, rubbing, and licking each other until we get off.” What’s the allure? Most girls believe another woman would instinctively understand their bodies and know how to bring them to orgasm. “I can so easily make myself come,” says Alyssa,* 26. “I imagine another woman could do the same. Plus, it’s exciting to imagine how soft and different a woman’s body parts would feel versus a man’s.” If it all sounds a little too Sapphic, rest easy; your girlfriend is probably not a closeted lesbian. More likely, her girl-on-girl fantasy is just an expression of her desire to do something taboo but not totally outrageous.
Your reality: To reiterate—bringing another woman home is, generally, a bad idea. (Sorry!) But you can bring her fantasy into the bedroom with dirty talk. “My ex would let me pretend a gorgeous girl was with us during sex,” says Beth, 30. “I’d tell him what I imagined myself doing to her or what she was doing to me. Just verbalizing it made me come in seconds.”
Kink alert: She’s adventurous but not scarily over-the-top. What do you want—some kind of sploshing freak?
Her Fantasy: Sex With a Stranger
You may stroll down the street and imagine screwing every girl you see, but for women this fantasy feels much more illicit. Whereas you’re expected to be a horn-dog, we’re supposed to be chaste and prim. But we don’t always want to be. “At restaurants, I always fantasize about having a quickie in the bathroom with the best-looking waiter,” says Sasha, 29. “I love the notion of spontaneity combined with the idea that it’s someone I’ll never see again. It seems like the freedom to be as dirty as you want.” The stranger-sex fantasy is rarely about tender lovemaking. In the time it takes a woman to glance at a passerby, she envisions hard-and-fast sex, no names exchanged, him pressing her against a wall in an alley. Theoretically, it’s the perfect scenario: a quick no-strings orgasm, and no worrying whether we’re skanks.
Your reality: The easiest way to approximate this fantasy is role-play. “I’ve heard about couples who pick a meeting place and then act like it’s the first time they’ve met,” says Sasha. “They use fake names, maybe the woman even wears a wig or a disguise. I’d be really into it.”
Kink alert: She’s either got a very healthy appetite for sex or a bad case of ADD.
Her Fantasy: Submission
While many women love to take control in bed, just as many, or more, are enticed by the idea of being rendered completely powerless. “I envision a guy tying me up and having his way with me,” says Laura, 25. “It’s not a violent thing; I have no desire to have a man force himself on me. It’s about succumbing to pleasure.” In fact, total submission is one of the most common female fantasies. “Many women are raised to think sex is wrong, so enjoying it can cause a lot of guilt,” explains Drew Ramsey, Ph.D., a psychiatrist at Columbia University Medical Center.
“This way, it’s not something the woman is doing, but something that’s being done to her.”
Erica, 26, likes to picture her boyfriend tying her up and even using a blindfold or a gag. “I enjoy the thought of him using my body for his pleasure,” she says. “I imagine being helpless and unable to move while he goes from my mouth to my breasts to wherever.”
Your reality: Get out some neckties and go to town, big guy! Just keep things from getting too rough—being tied up understandably makes some women feel anxious. To make her feel secure, establish an unambiguous “safe word” that she can call out if she feels uncomfortable: “fork;” “thunder;” “Hey, asshole, get off me.
Kink alert: Sure, she’s letting you use her. But if she’s tied up, aren’t you the one doing all of the work?
Her Fantasy: Sex for Show
the most timid girl dreams of being a sex star at some point. The idea
of having an audience during sex provides a huge ego boost.
“Fundamentally, this fantasy is about exhibitionism,” says Ramsey.
“There’s a sense of power that can be derived from seducing someone at
a distance.” Jaycee, 28, has a recurring fantasy about her boyfriend
secretly hiding his two best friends in the closet to watch the couple
have sex: “I think about them being so turned on they open the door to
get a better view. ” Kristin, 26, even leaves the curtains open while
she masturbates to indulge her fantasy. “I like to picture some guy
right outside, watching me and beating off. Of course, if there really
were a guy outside my window, I’d die of a heart attack.”
The easiest way to simulate being watched is to substitute a camera
lens for the human eye. Just be sure to keep the footage well hidden
(labeling it “Mindy’s Bat Mitzvah ’07” will ensure nosy house-sitters
don’t get a free show). “I wanted the feeling of being watched, so I
asked my boyfriend to tape me,” says Maggie, 25. “When we watched it, I
got so turned on we had to do it again right then.”
Kink alert: Very hot. But look out for a familiar face next time you’re on YouPorn.
Her Fantasy: Sex with Multiple Men
is, multiple men at once, not multiple men over a lifetime—sorry, pal.
While you might translate this fantasy to mean your girlfriend is,
well, kind of a slut, you’d be missing the mark entirely. “This fantasy
is really about being adored,” says Ramsey. “In this scenario, the
woman is a sexual idol.” Chelsea, 31, explains: “The thought of
gangbangs turns me on because I love the idea of being so desirable
that five guys are salivating over me. Half the time I’m having sex
with my boyfriend, I close my eyes and imagine there are four other
well-endowed men waiting in line.” Alison, 27, has a recurring vision
of an encounter in the woods with a group of men. “They lean me up
against a tree and start peeling off my clothes. Then one of them takes
me from behind while the others grab my breasts, massage my clit, and
undress. For me, the nastier the fantasy, the better.” Your reality: Presumably,
you’re not too interested in letting a group of men have at your
girlfriend. Her fantasy of maximum stimulation can be replicated,
however, with the help of a few sex toys. “My husband and I always use
a vibrator or butt plug during sex,” admits Angela, 28. “They double or
even triple the pleasure—just like having multiple partners would.”
Kink alert: She’s a little bonkers, but the sex is worth it—for a while.
Her Fantasy: Sex on the Farm
we’re not talking about a roll in the hay with a cowboy. We’re talking
about sex with animals. Before you freak out—rest assured that most
women who have this thought cross their minds don’t actually want to
bone Rover. According to Ramsey, bestiality fantasies are rooted in the
idea of having sex with an object, where the emotions are one-sided.
“People who have tremendous sexual drives sometimes feel other humans
can’t tolerate their intensity,” he explains, “so they turn to the next
best thing—animals.” Sara, 30, confesses: “I used to have a fantasy
about a dog licking me down there. I know it sounds creepy, but I just
thought its long tongue would feel way better than a human tongue.”
Your reality: If
you’re willing to bring a live animal into your bedroom to satisfy your
girlfriend, you should both seek intensive therapy. That said, you
could try role-playing—Woof!—or dressing up as a furry. Or you could
just buy her a copy of Chicken Soup for the Horse Lover’s Soul and give her a few moments of privacy.
Kink alert: Off the charts. Time to call the ASPCA.