'Tis the season to blow wads of money on people who won't appreciate it. Drink up.
Photo: John Rensten / Getty Images | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
The holiday shopping season is extra important this year, as the financial stability of the Western world may hinge largely upon whether or not you buy an Xbox. And since “fiscal cliff” usually goes hand-in-hand with “drinking to forget,” we suggest combining the acts of salvaging the economy and killing brain cells into one fun-filled activity. So gear up to get loaded while loading up on gifts with Maxim's official Holiday Shopping Drinking Game.
THE RULES: Cash your paycheck, assign a designated driver, and head to your nearest bastion of commerce.
TAKE ONE DRINK WHEN…
-A store plays a "hip" Christmas song (i.e., a regular Christmas song performed by some teen pop jerk).
-You see an obnoxious, crying child.
-You see any kind of ad for or reference to The Hobbit.
-You are forced to endure holiday-themed food court grub (“Christmas Quesadilla,” “Hannukah Latte,” or “Kwanzaa Koffee Kakes”).
-Someone plays with one of those awful dancing Santa or dancing Christmas tree mechanical toys. (Take another drink for every minute that that person doesn't get punched in the face.)
-You pass another bearded pedophile in a Santa suit.
TAKE TWO DRINKS WHEN…
-A store is sold out of the Wii U, and that's the ONLY thing your spoiled brat of a nephew wants.
-Someone attempts to make a purchase/exchange/return/special order in one transaction while roughly 200 people are waiting in line behind him.
-You see a lame “pass-off” gift on sale. (“Can’t afford the iPhone 5? Get him an AM/FM radio!”).
-A credit card is denied. (Take a few more drinks if it’s yours, you degenerate.)
-A kid is visibly terrified to sit on Santa’s lap (bonus drink if he pees. Two bonus drinks if Santa pees).
DO A SHOT WHEN...
-You run into someone you know while looking and smelling like a hobo.
-You see someone in line with the last of an item you wanted.
-A fist fight breaks out in a department store.
-Someone gets busted for shoplifting. (Do an extra shot if it’s you.)