How George Lucas Could Continue to Ruin Your Childhood

Yes, Disney bought Lucasfilm, but they also gave the Star Wars creator (and prequel-maker) a two percent stake in the company…

Yes, Disney bought Lucasfilm, but they also gave the Star Wars creator (and prequel-maker) a two percent stake in the company…

Todd Anderson/Disney via Getty Images


For $4 billion, Disney has agreed to purchase Lucasfilm and its intellectual property, which is basically Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and, uh, Howard the Duck. Disney adds the studio to its recent purchases of Marvel Comics and Pixar. Yes, they basically own the childhoods of every American born in the last eighty years. And in case you thought this purchase means George Lucas can go off to his ranch and write Star Wars fan fiction, sorry. Lucas gets two percent of Disney as part of the deal – he’s now the second largest non-institutional investor in the Mouse. So even if you weren’t a Star Wars fan, there are other properties that could be in danger of getting the unwanted prequel treatment. Here are the things we least want to happen:

Toy Story 4


Revealing that the toys are not brought to life by a magical belief in a reality filled with joy and endless innocence, Toy Story 4 divulges the secret of Woody and Buzz’s animation: Midichlorians.

X-Men


Deciding that the mutant villains the team faces have monikers that aren’t explanatory enough for today’s youth, the movie makers go on a quick rebranding spree for everyone’s favorite super-powered baddies, leaving us with the following:

Apocalypse: Darth Endoftheworld

The Sentinels: Droids

Mister Sinister: Mister Sinisterious!

The Muppets

Oh, you didn’t know Disney owned these guys, too? Well you better believe it! And you better pray that no one gets the bright idea to digitally add Ewoks to each episode of the Muppets TV show and every Muppet movie. OH GOD WE JUST PUT THAT IDEA IN THEIR HEADS WE’RE SORRRYYYYYYY

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